Unknown...


Once you leave home you can never come back
for the doors and the walls are coated in black
the rooms shriek too see a familiar face
burnt out stories easy to trace

the floors wheeze in darkness
the dust still a breeze
crank up the heating
but your heart will still freeze

the windows are dirty
the spot will not out
and the curtains are stained
with acquainted doubt

the voices you hear
are not from the dead
and as much as you know them
they drown you with dread


so its true when they say you can never come home
the house is the same, but you are unknown
don't return to the place you ran from before
the demons still linger behind every door

Mirror did you see me bleed?



My body wet and cold.
Frozen.
Alone.
The numbness consumes,
assumes its the death of
me.

My world's black.
I'm in deeper than an
endless sack.
Pierced.
Tortured.
The world spins and I
find myself in front of
a mirror,
the mirror of me.

I'm trying to cover the
tears with make-up,
though the mascara runs
like its planning my funeral.
I'm trying to wipe away the
blood that surrounds my
broken soul,
though the more I move,
the more and more it
breaks.

Oh please mirror please,
this isn't the end of me.
I'm breaking through
just please mirror please,
don't see me bleed.

My heart trickles weakly.
Scared.
Hurt and Burnt.
I pick myself up off the
floor,
and wipe away my scrapped
knees. so I can begin
unbleeding.

My heart spends it's last bit
of strength on fightening my
fears and learning to stand
nice and tall.

My life begins to shine
beneath my half decayed
soul;
no longer stumbling,
no longer slamming myself
against the crashing tides;
I know this is the beginning
of a new life.

I'm beginning to unbleed.
Oh mirror did you see me
bleed?
Please mirror please tell me
did you see me bleed?

I'm telling you that's not me.
I've broken through.
So mirror did you see me
bleed?
Is that my reflection I will
forever see?
Just tell me mirror did you
see me bleed?

**random about my past, i've broken out of fear of it which most should know if u've been following my poems..they all connect and tell the story of me. thnxs enjoy.**

Lifeless...



I stand facing the
Blank stretch of canvas before me
Thinking of all those pictures
All those colours that were me
Unsaid words, unspoken beauty.

I watched in shock and dismay
The invisible force wrecking my life
Enveloping me in bleeding darkness
Colours of death, hues of strife
Unsaid words, a twisted knife.

I searched for solace
In the blood of my words
Looked for consolation
In a battleground of bitterness and hurt
Unsaid words, pain or mirth?

I lost in love
I lost the game
Hot tears in my eyes
Blinded by the shame

Unsaid words, unbearable pain.

Mindless Thoughts...


Beaten blue black
colors of pain and despair
logic impaired, reasoning disabled
frantic thoughts are all thats there

Evolving manhood
from spirits crushed
scaring childhood that taints the blood
settlement anonymous

Grillin' pain
man in a trance
embodiment of guilt
towering above

a silent cry
a desolate scream
crippled thoughts
unforgiven being.

Office Hours...


exiting each day
without a thought
quarreling for no rhyme o reason
preferences remain subdued
words don't come out right
each day by itself
a turmoil intolerable
a fight to get noticed
a revolution to be different
different not by things we do
differences inseparable
thoughts turn feces at the days end
reconciliation is all thats left.

Scrammin' Thoughts...



In this day the darkness begins,
As it soars through the brightened skies.

lost in thought
misplaced myself
gorging on life
like there is no end

Sweet memories come to mind
but none with traces of your tainted love

opened the doors
my spirit let lose
preying on my self esteem

've learnt a tale
of my mis fit life
hovering through these darkened skies.

Doorway of Love...


Seeds of love must pass
a doorway from now to then
a blossom grows there
sweetest lotus men do seek
to drink of waters so pure

scared haze of gold
an essence beyond compare
strip hearts of men bare
their souls search in lust and pain
while seeds of life bare fruit


This cold will always prevail through and through
back twisted and root wise, soiling the hours held
precariously, our earthbound slips and starts
buried in the deep hush below

If this is your disquiet,
If here is where the start ends and the end begins,
Then bleed until drip-dry
a sonorific slip of torqued tongue

No matter the distance, the shadows keep chase.

Dance of Death...


Flames arose from the decay
Went down
Tired
In a steady rhythm
Oh! look how it danced
The thoughts came unbidden
The tears were unasked for
My insides churned
In warning
Dancing to the tune of death
The fire pushed me on
Sorely mechanical
The indifference of my own soul
Paralyzed me into a dreadful torture
The flames danced.
The animal gnawed at me
Fulfilling its desires
Deriving a sadistic pleasure from my agony
And I danced with purpose
The Dance of Death.

Live to Die...


I’m so tired of being here
Paying for each misdeed with a precious tear
Slashed my heart with a whip of words
Cried out blood in a haze of hurt.
Never realized the end could be like this
Rudderless and weak, I was going amiss
Failed to perceive the cynicism in his tone
Refused to believe he would leave me stranded, alone.

I’m sick of trying to understand what’s past
An allusive shadow on my future it cast
Shed were the pigments off his skin
Burnt was every inch of my flesh, paying for my sin;
Tears gushed out with a casual languor
Blood flowed with hysterical ardor
A cadaverous corpse paying penance
Eyes longing for respite in every furtive glance.

Hopes crashed, I surrendered under the weight
Realization dawned upon me too late
Debauched were the feelings I had so treasured
Every ounce of love had been paid for and measured.
Inebriated with a sadistic exaltation
I laughed away the pain of my contusion
Dark clouds hovered around me, harbinger of evil
Heralding misfortune, sending through me an ephemeral chill.

I could feel the end hobbling along
Phlegmatically approaching a domicile wrong
I noticed the redundant darkness of the clouds
I envisioned my heart in fragments and shrouds;
Soon the torment would stop with my death
A price would be paid for every breath
The miracles above would exculpate me
A better life in hell I await to see.

Broken Promises...


Unknown, unseen, so black

Haunts me, kills me

Every moment of my life

I die another death
More painful than the one before
And the beauty within
Mocks me, derides me, laughs at me...
Every moment of guilt
I bottle up within me.......

Shapeless, dark, stubborn
Encompasses me
Holds me firmly with strong hands
And the painful grasp
Just makes me more bloodless, more lifeless
More Heartless than i was before...

The secrets unleashed
Strike me like lightening
The pain inflicted
Gives me much wanted relief
And the desire of fulfillment
Lights up my downcast eyes...
The fire of vengeance
Burns bright within me
And cools down my raging mind....

And a hopeless hope
Promises to see me through
But then, He made me a promise too....
A promise meant to be broken....

Old Flames...


Of autumn leaves
And purple violets
And crystal dew drops
Clogging my heart,
Of all the absurdities
And the perplexities
Of new found love,
Of the magic of its wondrous charm
And the pristine perfection
Of its coveted beauty,
Of the unsullied approach
That is but once in a lifetime
And the blissful ignorance
That comes with it,
And of the heart break
That follows with mourning silence
In the cheering footsteps
Of cupid’s mistake;
Of all those things
In which I no longer have a say,
For me,
Is it a boon or a bane?

Have to let it go...

a new morning, bringing in its wake
another sad day of lesser daylight
and lengthening shadows.
where are those verdant meadows?
where is the happiness you promised me?
i'm lost in the mindless traffic of this busy city.
perhaps, you know the way?

the Sun. the wonderful warm Sun.
it does not warm my cold body.
it stares at me icily, daring me to stare back.
makes me feel like a stranger in my own world.
i feel alienated, oh! i feel so wronged!
i belong here, but they do not care.
perhaps, you could convince them?

the waves crash down at my feet
like they were waiting to swallow me
engulf me and eat me up-
mind, body and soul.
they are powerful, omni-potent;
mightier than the pen i now hold,
saltier than the tears my dried eyes had once shed.
i cannot escape Nature's outrage, the ruthlessness of its punishments.
perhaps, you have some pity for me?

the world has had enough of me
or, is it the other way round?
then, why dont the stars twinkle at me?
why doesn't the wind sing me lullabies?
my slashed wrists bleed, profuse, shameless..
my blood soothes my body
my eyes find pleasure in watching it flow.
i must go now.
perhaps, you will pray to let me rest in peace?

Have to let go...

A new morning, bringing in its wake
Another sad day of lesser daylight
And lengthening shadows.
Where are those verdant meadows?
Where is the happiness you promised me?
I'm lost in the mindless traffic of this busy city.
Perhaps, you know the way?

The Sun. The wonderful warm Sun.
It does not warm my cold body.
It stares at me icily, daring me to stare back.
Makes me feel like a stranger in my own world.
I feel alienated, oh! I feel so wronged!
I belong here, but they do not care.
Perhaps, you could convince them?

The waves crash down at my feet
Like they were waiting to swallow me
Engulf me and eat me up-
Mind, body and soul.
They are powerful, omni-potent;
Mightier than the pen i now hold,
Saltier than the tears my dried eyes had once shed.
I cannot escape Nature's outrage, 
The ruthlessness of its punishments.
Perhaps, you have some pity for me?

The world has had enough of me
Or, is it the other way round?
Then, why dont the stars twinkle at me?
Why doesn't the wind sing me lullabies?
My slashed wrists bleed, profuse, shameless..
My blood soothes my body
My eyes find pleasure in watching it flow.
I must go now.
Perhaps, you will pray to let me rest in peace?

Lingering...


I am
a wave of no return
a breeze diffusing into nothingness
a single burst of perfumed fragrance
a whiff of memory
and nothing more...

I am
on the sidelines of your dreams
watching the dramas you create
in your whimsical mind
with folded arms
and half smiles of suppressed delight

I have
no colour
no flame
and no texture
A fleeting impulse I am
not to be confused
with your waking hours
of insanity.

I am
a solitary tear
shed in a forgotten haze
over reasons, trivial
only a dull memory
of sympathetic heaviness
happily abandoned
in the smiles of the moment.

I am the dawn's moon
I am the dewdrop
I am the poet's thought
I am the woman's lot
And I come, to go
And I shall be gone...

Fare you
well?

This Kiss...



We stood in the doorway
His hands on my waist
The clock tickling loudly
Almost in haste

He moved in closer
His eyes locked in mine
I long for his kiss
For just a moment in time

His lips meet mine
And I feel the sensation
No longer must I wait
To give into the sweet temptation

My knees go weak
My palms become sweaty
I go back to that place
I have been so many times already

The world disappears
All that's left is him and I
And as we pull away
I feel as though I could fly

Someday Soon......


LAST WEEK .....

Tears fall from a broken heart
shattered to pieces by lies
bending beneath emotions
weakness on the rise

Feeling the pains of rejection
lost in the arms of despair
reaching for the one I love
crumbling because he's not there


YESTERDAY .....

Thoughts such a jumble
feeling that I'm to blame
angry at the world in whole
tired of playing the game

Heart torn and bleeding
trying to grasp the string
that keeps me held up
as I fly with just one wing


TODAY .....

Realizing I am not to blame
for the betrayal of your trust
but if it makes you feel better
blame me if you must

Within my heart I now know
my moods must halt these swings
for I go with the flow of your emotions
and unhappiness is what it brings

Thankful to my friends and family
who've helped pull me through
no need to mention names
if you're reading this, you know who

Tired I must sleep now
awaken refreshed and alive
even if I cant live without you
realizing I cant survive .....


SOMEDAY SOON ....

Things will look much brighter
my heart will find peace
no longer living in this anger
and searching for release

Moving on with you
I've already extended my hand
it's your choice whether to take it
and get the help I demand

So good-bye to hurt and anger
hello to a brand new day
knowing my heart will mend
not today but ....someday

Cashing up on frozen Tears...



Behind the veil that she wears
She hides a gaze for she learnt to swear
She grounds her eyes, bores a hole deep
They taught her the art of promiscuous sleep
Cashing upon frozen tears
Seasonal juices she’ll lose, she fears
Mirrors will reflect the fissured skin
Yet the empty stomach prepares to commit a sin
The gentle blush upon a touch
A shriek unheard is made 2 hush
Slithering monsters grabbing by the arm
Picking and choosing the fruits of the farm

For her love is a tale
Most unheard, yet like many she fails…
A grain of sand was picked from a few
She kissed him and he disappeared like dew
In a delusion she lived and awaited
For the night to come and love satiated
The longest night in her dreams it was
A salty night silenced the pause
The lunatic days lingered for long
She heaved and sighed and played a song
Lonesome in the quilt she lay
Waiting for the snakes to hiss and throw her away

This is her journey so grim, so vague
She loved him yet died of this plague
Welcomed by the honest grave
Shell sleep forever in its arms, she’s safe
In the darkness of the day
Her eyes will decay
The moon will rise
The sun will shine
She’ll risk her flesh with an earnest mind
She’ll play the sport, before she’s blind
For Behind the veil that she wears
She hides a gaze for she learnt to swear…

Into the Forest of my Heart...


Dreaming about a journey i embark,
Into The Forest Of My Heart,
The wolves of Pain have made life dark,
And ripped happiness' sheep apart,

The trees of love are calloused and frozen,
Over the cottage of belief,forsaken and broken,
The doorway of trust has been left half open,
With the creepers of lies everywhere,honesty lyes unspoken,

But The Forest Here Was Once A Safe Warm Place,
With Peace And The Sunrays Of Hope Everywhere,
The Forest Bred Life With A Beautiful Grace,
But All That's Left Is The Reign Of Despair..

The Inferno of wrath has disgraced,
And the set the sea of reason Aflame,
The sun of hope has a blackened face,
With the clouds of depression to blame,

Now The Perpetual Darkness Of Revenge Lyes Not Too Far,
The Forest Floor Of Emotions Has Been Riven Apart,
But My Journey will Go On To Reveal The Scar,
Into The Forest Of My Heart...

"WEPT MY SORROW UPON HIS GRAVE..."



Counting down the days when you walked out that door,
tasting your last graven kiss tats stained my lips forevermore,
and now i lye amidst the guilt of a life i could have saved,
all this i say as i cry upon your grave..

I feel your pain of death while im alive,
why did i ever let u go,why did u have to die,
and as these parasites of pain begin to thrive,
i see your body lay, and im burnin up like a candle inside..

the silence of the past echoes in my ears,
its seems like you were here yesterday, but its been 7 years,
since the last time you said tat u loved me just as well,
im burnin up within, while you're burnin in hell,

and i regret in pain, but the pain is my only friend,
as i cry on your hollow grave,i want my life to end,
there's nothin left from the yesteryears,
these parasites have turned my pain into blood drenched tears..

Counting down the days when you walked out that door,
tasting your last graven kiss tats stained my lips forevermore,
and now i lye amidst the guilt of a life i could have saved,
all this i say as i lye to die upon your grave..

FOR THE ONES WHO KNOW !!!


I need to know, under this cloud,
Is it only sadness, that exists in pain?
Can't the grieving deceive themselves,
Mistake their own tears for rain?

I need to know, next to this shore,
Is a sailor, not a sailor away from the docks?
Can't a romantic write of roses and hearts,
Staring at the darkness of the midnight clocks?

I need to know, next to the pyre,
Is a lesson, not a lesson, if you don't learn?
Is a flame, not a flame,
If it's kiss, doesn't burn?

I need to know, from this river,
Is something not true, always a lie?
Would you still call water, water,
Even if it's touch leaves you dry?

I need to know, from the looking glass
Is being not dead, a sign of life?
Would you still be a poet,
If you dropped your pen, and embraced a knife?

Colors of pain...


Colors of pain
Broken glasses
Opened frames
Heart slowly burned in ardent flame.

Pieces of dreams
Drowned at deep depth
Suffocating inside
Just for a breathe.

Colors of pain-
In my bleeding eyes
Fear that arise
Played half life with demon’s dice.

Walls painted with blood
Monotonous cacophony
Freshen my wound
Layed unconsciously at the ground.

Colors of pain
Tears drops of slain soul
Thorns of agony and contempt
Forced me towards death.

Freedom from this hell
Chain fastened my hand and feet
Tried hard to escape
To free my soul in space.

Something in the Way...



Something that got lost in the dreams
Something that the darkness stole
Colors which were benighted by black n white
A thousand tears that took toll

The days when the rains kissed me
The gleam that redefined this smile
The shiver which didn’t let us sleep
The unexplainable beauty turned senile

The bed of red roses turned black
Those childish dreams turned sour
The slow numbers lost their tune
The birds that sang flew away far

Well it just started raining, so let it pour
The candle still holds, the flame shall be the mentor
Don’t drift away, wait just one more day
One more prayer, for something in the way

Come into the night, flee those fears away
Sing with a smile in memory of an unforgettable array
Let the rain be a reason for you to play
Dream out loud as you walk, for something in the way

AMAZING GRACE…


I see a pretty girl,
Giving her soul to the devil to become an angel,
The devil smiles n hugs her

She seeks love from his evil heart,
But he disappeared in the dark
She falls down and realizes her eyes were closed

A stranger looked into her eyes and said the world does not vanish when u close your eyes,
It was just me in the devils disguise,
Be my angel not for now but for life

She looked back and said
I know to walk but I want to crawl
To learn to jump I will have to fall…

Under the Knife...


Heart aches
Tears fall
Smile fake
Death calls

False laughter
Silent cries
Hope gone
Trust dies

Scars shown
Memories painful
Knife near
Life shameful

Sleepless night
Dreaded days
Finding myself
Slipping away

Left alone
Shit scared
Frightening thoughts
Nothing said

Feared nightmares
Another day
Anger rises
Keep away

Left defeated
Feeling mad
Confused mind
Hurting bad

Tortured heart
Battered brains
Deep cuts
Bloody stains

Hidden feelings
Emotions confused
Hurting inside
Knife used......

THE LONELY CRADLE


My tears say a prayer
Filled with despair and sorrow
Hope someone would rock my cradle
And wake me up tomorrow

To get me into bed
And sing me a song
There's no one beside me
The nights are really really long

To make me breakfast
And make me lunch
Bake me some cookies
With a whole lot of crunch

Someone to get me dressed
Walk me to school
Someone for me to fool
On the day of April fool

Someone to give me gifts
When I turn a new year
Listen to my dreams
And always lend an ear

Someone to hug
Someone to kiss me
And when I am away
Someone who would miss me

To teach me to share
To teach me to play
Someone I could wish
On Mothers Day

To clean me up
When I play in the dirt
To wipe my tears
When my knee gets hurt

To tell me a story
And put me to bed
to show the green trees
And the roses that are red

I'll never play with her now
It's all too late
I see her in my tears
I was undone by fate

She talks to me though
When I am in my dream
Only then am i happy
As sad as it may seem

I have a few memories
But they are just a trace
How I love to see my mom
When I draw her face

She wont come back to me
I will never see her
The only time I see her
Is in my prayer

So, I spread my arms
And I start to pray
I wish i had my mom
For just another day

Broken Smile


Sunlight coming through the haze
Blinding my thoughts but showing me several ways
I try to free my soul but I get drifted away
I hold on to my dreams and pass away my last days

Looking at the world outside I get a feeling stronger than hate
But I keep on breathing and let it go
The rainbow fades to black casting a spell on my fate
Making my life a puzzle of fire

Everything was left unexplained
The pleasure of pain….the lust insane
Loosing my grip on reality I walk towards the dark rays
I look back at the sun and I see the moons darkest phrase

A new confusion…
Dreams with twisted illusions
My madness left me for a while
There was a broken dream behind every smile

So excuse me for being ME!!!


Pardon me
For not wanting to be your side dish
Pardon my resistance
In granting your selfish wish
Understand the only position
I'm accepting is number one
You still don't understand that
After all is said and done
Is it so hard
And please for once be honest with me
Is faithfulness a quality
You will never be able to be
So just help me to understand
Just who it is you are
And please do not treat me
Like some ill- fated falling star
If you know you won't be there
Then don't say it at all
Because you know you won't be there
To catch me when I fall
So don't feed me your bull shit
About the road ahead
Because I would have left you
At the starting gate instead
But now I am running wild
And I am losing ground
For I was foolish in thinking
That you would stick around
You remind me that I am losing
With a tone of aggravation
But all that I am leaving behind
Is constant frustration
You say that we have shared
So many things that made us tight
Honey all that springs to mind
Is a pack of Marlboro Lights
Anytime that you were not busy
Being hung over
You spent the rest of your time
Screwing me over
So I hope you are happy
With the clueless girl who is next
And I hope you learn there's more to life
Than drinking, drugs, and sex
You treat me like a child
When it's you who's playing games
You will probably be flipping burgers
While I am relishing in fame
Sometimes you will get mad
At the way I will be
All that I can say to that:
So excuse me for being me

Swan Song...


Like the last leaf on a windy Autumn day
I hang on, fragile but courageously
Waiting for the day to come
When the wind will stop blowing
So that I can be at peace

At peace with myself and everything around me
At peace with the world and all that it bears
Hanging onto a hope that is based on dreams
Hoping that my dream of surviving all adversity
Will finally be realized

But alas the wind is too strong
And like all other leaves before me
I begin to sing , so long

Sad and lost filled with despair
No one to comfort me
No one to care
No one to say, hang in there, be strong
So I’ll whisper my good-byes, and sing
My swan's song

losing...


losing
all I can see.
nothing remains.

dripping slowly away
the tides recede
and I stand
alone.

I look down from the precipice
that is my life
and wonder where the tides go.

will they return to fill
my gaping soul?

or will the waters dry
to flow no more
and leave me standing
and breathless?

all I can do is
wait.

watching from my precipice,
all I can do is wonder.

Woman...I am !




I am ...
A woman
With a full heart, hidden
Somewhere in an empty room ...
With eyes not quite of autumn's gold, and yet
Neither all of summer's green;
I wonder ...
If love is a tale made for children --
A granting of sweet dreams in their innocence --
A honey-coating to help their throats
Choke down the bitter draught ...
I hear ...
A voice that whispers warnings, half-formed,
Bodiless as hope, until I swear I cannot draw
Another breath unless this spectre be unmasked,
His lies mangled ‘neath my righteous tread;
I see ...
A woman, proud, uncompromising,
Diaphanous as air -- less, even, than the tears
That fall in desolation about her weary feet,
Salt poison pooled upon the withered ground ...
I want ...
A measure of quietude, a certain silence,
The echo of alone which heals me of dreaming,
The nothing that stills the wanting,
The numb, the cold that laughs at pain;
I am
A woman,
hidden ...

I pretend ...
That I can live forever -- that Time
Has no puissance but that which I afford Him --
And so, I can wait, I can be happy tomorrow,
Sleep is for the dead; but its ghosts haunt my waking ...
I feel ...
Too much -- too deeply to be directionless,
Too real for imagining, and yet the familiar eyes
Hold nothing of recognition -- only my reflection --
A meeting of shadows in sunlit glass;
I touch ...
The downy wings of hope, in wonder,
In reverence, in need, in hunger;
Alas, it burns my fingers as a flame,
A sacrilege, self-defined ...
I worry ...
That I am alone; that in my longing
I have forsaken all -- but oh, what reward,
What smile divine should light the path to freedom --
And how can I but heed the siren's call?
I cry ...
For having too much, for fear of bursting,
And then, when by the pouring of my soul
I lie, a vessel emptied, I cry again
For what was had, and lost;
I am
A woman,
empty ...

I understand
That life is what you make it,
That sometimes, the coat of many colors
That marks your triumphs brightly, blends only
To loneliest of grey ...
I say
That we are made by life, shaped,
Broken, perhaps -- unmade and voided --
But always, the core of us remains, waiting
With only faith, with trust, to be reborn;
I dream
Of bluest waters, reaching
With unnatural hands toward the faded sky,
Of dolphins that wander in seas without limits,
Carrying me water-breathing past corals and clouds ...
I try ...
To lead by example, knowing
That merely the telling holds no power;
A gift of giving is merely a day, while
A gift of knowing spans forever;
I hope ...
That my darkness holds you gently,
That pain is halved by sharing, that feeling
Wields nothing past the words it summons,
Except that it touch you with only healing ...
I am
A woman,
only.

Another road - or just a place


I cannot speak for all who stem
'Long roads less traveled as their way,
Nor question choices made by them
In days long past or nights long dim
by words they spoke and did not say.

Each road is long, though short it seems,
And credence gives each road a name
Of fantasies sun-drenched in beams
Or choices turned to darkened dreams,
To where each road wends just the same.

From North to South, then back again,
I followed birds like all the rest
Escaping nature's snowy den
On roads I've seen and places been,
Forsaking roads that traveled West.

This journey grows now to its end,
As road reflections lined in chrome
Give way to roads with greater bend
And empty signs that still pretend
They point the way to home sweet home.

But all roads lead to where we go
And where we go is where we've been,
So home is just a word we know,
That space in time most apropos
For where we want to be again.

For even home, it seems to me,
Is still a choice we all must face
From day to day and endlessly,
To choose if home is going to be
Another road - or just a place.

Clueless...


Every drop of tear that lost its fight
Every drop of blood that failed to ignite
I stood n I fell n I failed to rise
As every reflection of innocence failed to suffice

My mirrors cracked
My walls crashed
Flooded in my own pool of catharsis
With a scribbled plea on an empty canvas

My life became a unique jigsaw puzzle
With a corresponding piece missing at every step
But I made sense to it and I swallowed every tear
For every other promise could be kept

I sold my dreams to buy my love
I forgave my obsessions as I kept him above
I walked in the dark, for he, could have light
I sacrificed my breath, so he, could survive

The eyes of the dead envy me
They look for a kill, they wanna set me free
They feel my pain as they seethe in anger
They wanna redeem a life which was a deliberate failure

As I sulk in the darkest corner of my room
Discovering that I forfeited everything for others, as I spelled doom
I hid every ounce of pain behind every possible curtain
What do you think was the reason?

Was it the darker side of ambition?
Or was it the price for redemption?

Dawn of Conception


From the dawn of our conception, to the sunset of our life,
Our time evokes sensations, happiness, trouble and strife.
Through experience and expectations, wisdom comes of age,
Borne of misconceptions, tolerance and rage.
Battered with life’s milestones, bombarded with life’s woes,
Our weaknesses and troubles, time will soon expose.
Tear away our armour, show our inner soul,
Because of all our whims and wants, Life surely takes its toll.
If time allowed a second chance, renewed this awesome gift,
Allow my weathered existence, to have a new facelift.
Would I avoid all the hardships, navigate past the pain,
In truth, with contemplation, I’d do it all again.

Lost. Before it came


I’m broken and left feeling lost.
Lost what I never had.
Gone before it came.
The end of life, before its birth.
Now I feel left in the dark.
Crying without tears,

Screaming without a sound.

Life goes on, the world keeps going round!

Don't let go...


you whisper "don't let go of me"
"we'll meet again, you'll see"
"baby look me in my eyes"
your eyes, so beautiful so nice.
"keep this strong"
"yes baby I'll hold on"
I whisper "baby I will"
"cause I'm waiting still"
give me just a minute longer than this
hold me tight and give me a kiss
"oh I'll miss you"
"really" "yes baby I do"
I say in myself, oh I'll miss your touch
oh baby I need you so much
"baby listen, don't cry"
"I'll be standing by your side"
I don't wanna lose this all
cause, yes I need your hands when I fall  

Dark cloak...


Dark cloak
hanging on my door
silky remnants
of a time before
and a message
in my mail
warning me to be there
never to fail.
 
Dark cloak
discarded on my bed
sweet thought of you
linger in my head
Lay my head on the pillow
the cloak is my guard
falling asleep is no longer
so very hard
 
Dark cloak
drawn tight over me
as i slumber
so sweetly
come over in the night
lay beside me for a while
put your arms over me
and twist me face in a smile  

For the first time...


Stopping my tracks to watch the clouds get tossed around
Suddenly its all I can think about...
There's a sunshine in my heart
Its this feeling that I always sought.
I don't want to run, don't want to dart
I want to stay, feel what this tide has brought.
I used to be so scared of being lost
For the first time I won't calculate the cost.
I feel this confidence in my soul
A trust in all things beautiful
A faith in happy endings
A belief in me and you
A promise at a glance
A will to take a chance
There's a truth in your eyes
And for now, no more clouds in the skies

Never Enough!!!


Close your eyes
And we’ll pretend
It’s just us here
Alone again
You brushed my tears
And kissed me gently
We knew that
Was more than friendly

So hold me tight
Don’t tell me no
I’ll take your hand
I won’t let go
I’ll watch your smile
And stroke your cheek
So don’t say
You feel incomplete

Pray for the storm...


Summer lingers…
a sentimental lover bearing down
when it’s too hot for that.
No relief will find me
in the swamp of his embrace.
I pray for the storm to come,
to soak up
summer’s steam,
loaded with mistakes.
I run in circles, whirling my arms
like an airplane waiting to land,
dropping incendiary sweat
as I try to stir the air,
a rich broth, but I’ve no appetite, only
thirst
and anticipation
for the storm.
He could come in the night–
sudden and deliberate, cool and gone–
to let me dream calmly, finally,
in the rumbling thunder after,
I would lie back on the sand, more than willing–
unbelted, unbuttoned, burned, untied–
waving to ourselves in vain.
I watch his blue fingers stroking the horizon,
ready for whatever he brings.

for the one i love...


Laying underneath the stars,
On a warm silent night.
Your arms are wrapped around me,
And everything feels right.

You kiss me sweet and softly,
I feel your warm gentle touch,
You help me feel protected
Under the sweet night sky rush.

My world before me is perfect.
There's nowhere else I want to be,
Except laying underneath the stars
Hand in hand, you and me.

Just when everything is perfect,
And you seem so delicately sweet,
A rush of wind comes past me
As I'm swept beneath my feet.

Nothing could be more right,
There's nowhere else I want to be.
Let's take a walk my only love,
Hand in hand, you and me.

Embracing the silence...



Bruised
patches of blue and purple wrap around like anklets
skillfully weighing me down with each step,
a stabbing reminder of a path that so easily abandoned me
and in a flash these scars come running back to me
I fell
now I watch the stars on my back
embracing the cold sand on my cheeks
I lay, no worries, no joy, just me and the
music of the crashing waves
and for a moment everything makes sense
I feel complete, without you
I feel, without you…

Dreamer's Tears


tears roll down my cheek when i'm alone
as i cry in my bed
facing the world on my own
i dream of a place of sanitywhere all my pains will be put to an end
not in a dark and sullen place like this
so i would no longer need to pretend
hide my emotions under false ones
as my heart suffers deep inside
the reason of my existence is still unknown
but i hope someday this hell will be overthrown
sometimes i feel i could never recover
that i would never wake up from this nightmare
i dream of being a bid so i could fly
but it never happens even if i try
i struggle for love and happiness
yet all i get is despair and loneliness
i hope someday these eyes of mine will dry
so that for once i would'nt CRY

Contradictions


I'm spinning in circles
that never repeat
I'm following a path
with no beginning
I'm trying to sing
a broken song of sorrow
that has neither words
nor melody
I'm trapped in a hole
i keep digging
even though it already has no bottom
this void, this deep pit of despair
rings sobs of grief
cried
to nobody
I'm drowning in a river gone dry
melting in an artic sun
which knows no mercy
I'm lost in a question
that asks nothing
but its own existence
i live in a world of contradictions
where not even the blue sky
is truly clear...

Broken Wings...


Lifting his head to the skies,
Eyes wide open
Reflections of despair in his eyes,
A feeling that something's broken
No wind, snow or rain,
Feelings of peace and tranquility
Above hurt, beyond pain,
Seriously doubting his ability
Thoughts start to soar,
Eyes begin to glass
Chilled to the core,
All in a moments pass
Memories of flight,
Being lighter than air
The sky seems so bright,
When you're drifting up there
Fresh air and warm light,
Surround the mortal form
Joy and love both in sight,
A calm before the storm
Longing to go home today,
Back to those loving things
But heaven's too far away,
For an Angel...With broken wings

Apathy!


As I sit down by the river and sigh with sadness
Thinking of the times that are lost to me,
I send a small stone skipping ‘cross the water
As I lean back and lose my sanity.

I wished and prayed for true love from another
But ‘ere I looked none ever came to pass my way
So I sit here alone with sadness deep inside
And I know I don't want to live another day

The water was so clear and pure and cold
As I stepped into it's bitter grasping hand.
The fish that swam around me had no idea
Upon these shores I'd make my final stand.

I walked out further in the deepening river
As it slowly took my body and pulled me in
I lost my footing and began to give in
Cause I knew this would be my very end.

It splashed about my head as I slowly sank
Into it's depths I'd look around for my last time.
The frigid water slowly took my breath away
And I knew I'd finally reached the last sublime.

As her pale cold body floated down the river,
So calm and peaceful and so free of care;
The fish that swam below her didn't realize
That her body was lifeless floating there.

Walled in...


She built walls
Of granite around her.
Recoiling from confrontation,
She fortified her castle,
Making the facades stronger.
Each sarcastic word she endured constructed
Another layer.

Beyond the wall,
Her transparent front appeared petrified.
A warm smile or greeting failed to
Thaw the frozen sea within her.
Her stony expression
Was devoid of feeling-
She could not give love
Nor could she receive love.

The turbulent waves crashed
Against the walls, but their efforts were in vain.
Unwavering, she peered down from the tower.
The white water jumped higher,
But she was always a tread ahead.
Only relentless determination
And unrequited love could
Unlock the iron gate and gain entrance.

Stony-hearted, she unintentionally
Reeled Romeos in and
Cast them back over the precipice
Into the dark, frigid sea.
Drowning,
The lovers were dragged away
By the undertow,
Far away from her feelings.

Masquerade...



As I sink into the shadows,
the music begins to fade.
The people have all left me,
and so ends this masquerade.

The food has all been tasted,
bits thrown upon the floor.
My reality sinks in now.
This illusion is no more.

As I look into the mirror,
I cannot give myself a name.
Through all these lies I've hidden,
and lost myself in shame.
The doors will never open
to this castle I have built -
set aside is my pain,
so remains this saddened guilt.

Freedom


Using words that don’t explain
My ongoing, torturing, hated pain
I’m lost and I don’t know why
I have to live, I have to cry

I haven’t done my one last deed
A salvation is what I need
But who cares, for I am lost
I’ve been forgotten, my soul at cost

And then one night, as I lay awake
Regretting the feelings I could not fake
My tears bring forth my dead love
Of cutting, slitting, drawing blood

I forget my life, and shut out the sun
And cut my wrists until I’m numb
From the pain, but I love it so much
Because it feels like your forgotten touch

Now, when I need something to do
To remind me of my love for you
I take out my trusted blade
And let my painful feelings fade

(still thinking of a title)

Close your eyes
And we’ll pretend
It’s just us here
Alone again
You brushed my tears
And kissed me gently
We knew that
Was more than friendly

So hold me tight
Don’t tell me no
I’ll take your hand
I won’t let go
I’ll watch your smile
And stroke your cheek
So don’t say
You feel incomplete

wonder awake...


daydreams and imaginings

something barely recognized
lost seeming
bright blinding

imagination
waiting
wondering
dreaming

entering triumphant
renewed
again faithful
wondrous

your victory
a retreat
a flag planted

conquered
or cautious

chill
expanding miles

and i wonder
real
imagined

THoughts run insane!!!


Broken heart grievously weeps in pouring rain Drowning peaceful soul inside puddles of pain Keep thinking of you and those good old days Miss your existence in so many different ways Oceans of tears flowing from my weary eyes Agitated life floating between high tides Loss of love turning my inner views fully blind Hopeless ideas overshadow an intoxicated mind Forces of rage rotating around my head Flowers of joy soon will be wilting to death Clusters of blossoms losing delicate petals Weakened heart breaking in to fragments Venomous thorns hurt the roses that try to bloom Poisoned feeble life drifting toward darkest doom Soul of scornfulness often seething in extreme pain Tranquility disappears as the thoughts run insane...