So excuse me for being ME!!!

Pardon me
For not wanting to be your side dish
Pardon my resistance
In granting your selfish wish
Understand the only position
I'm accepting is number one
You still don't understand that
After all is said and done
Is it so hard
And please for once be honest with me
Is faithfulness a quality
You will never be able to be
So just help me to understand
Just who it is you are
And please do not treat me
Like some ill- fated falling star
If you know you won't be there
Then don't say it at all
Because you know you won't be there
To catch me when I fall
So don't feed me your bull shit
About the road ahead
Because I would have left you
At the starting gate instead
But now I am running wild
And I am losing ground
For I was foolish in thinking
That you would stick around
You remind me that I am losing
With a tone of aggravation
But all that I am leaving behind
Is constant frustration
You say that we have shared
So many things that made us tight
Honey all that springs to mind
Is a pack of Marlboro Lights
Anytime that you were not busy
Being hung over
You spent the rest of your time
Screwing me over
So I hope you are happy
With the clueless girl who is next
And I hope you learn there's more to life
Than drinking, drugs, and sex
You treat me like a child
When it's you who's playing games
You will probably be flipping burgers
While I am relishing in fame
Sometimes you will get mad
At the way I will be
All that I can say to that:
So excuse me for being me

Swan Song...

Like the last leaf on a windy Autumn day
I hang on, fragile but courageously
Waiting for the day to come
When the wind will stop blowing
So that I can be at peace

At peace with myself and everything around me
At peace with the world and all that it bears
Hanging onto a hope that is based on dreams
Hoping that my dream of surviving all adversity
Will finally be realized

But alas the wind is too strong
And like all other leaves before me
I begin to sing , so long

Sad and lost filled with despair
No one to comfort me
No one to care
No one to say, hang in there, be strong
So I’ll whisper my good-byes, and sing
My swan's song

losing...

losing
all I can see.
nothing remains.

dripping slowly away
the tides recede
and I stand
alone.

I look down from the precipice
that is my life
and wonder where the tides go.

will they return to fill
my gaping soul?

or will the waters dry
to flow no more
and leave me standing
and breathless?

all I can do is
wait.

watching from my precipice,
all I can do is wonder.

Woman...I am !

I am ...
A woman
With a full heart, hidden
Somewhere in an empty room ...
With eyes not quite of autumn's gold, and yet
Neither all of summer's green;
I wonder ...
If love is a tale made for children --
A granting of sweet dreams in their innocence --
A honey-coating to help their throats
Choke down the bitter draught ...
I hear ...
A voice that whispers warnings, half-formed,
Bodiless as hope, until I swear I cannot draw
Another breath unless this spectre be unmasked,
His lies mangled ‘neath my righteous tread;
I see ...
A woman, proud, uncompromising,
Diaphanous as air -- less, even, than the tears
That fall in desolation about her weary feet,
Salt poison pooled upon the withered ground ...
I want ...
A measure of quietude, a certain silence,
The echo of alone which heals me of dreaming,
The nothing that stills the wanting,
The numb, the cold that laughs at pain;
I am
A woman,
hidden ...

I pretend ...
That I can live forever -- that Time
Has no puissance but that which I afford Him --
And so, I can wait, I can be happy tomorrow,
Sleep is for the dead; but its ghosts haunt my waking ...
I feel ...
Too much -- too deeply to be directionless,
Too real for imagining, and yet the familiar eyes
Hold nothing of recognition -- only my reflection --
A meeting of shadows in sunlit glass;
I touch ...
The downy wings of hope, in wonder,
In reverence, in need, in hunger;
Alas, it burns my fingers as a flame,
A sacrilege, self-defined ...
I worry ...
That I am alone; that in my longing
I have forsaken all -- but oh, what reward,
What smile divine should light the path to freedom --
And how can I but heed the siren's call?
I cry ...
For having too much, for fear of bursting,
And then, when by the pouring of my soul
I lie, a vessel emptied, I cry again
For what was had, and lost;
I am
A woman,
empty ...

I understand
That life is what you make it,
That sometimes, the coat of many colors
That marks your triumphs brightly, blends only
To loneliest of grey ...
I say
That we are made by life, shaped,
Broken, perhaps -- unmade and voided --
But always, the core of us remains, waiting
With only faith, with trust, to be reborn;
I dream
Of bluest waters, reaching
With unnatural hands toward the faded sky,
Of dolphins that wander in seas without limits,
Carrying me water-breathing past corals and clouds ...
I try ...
To lead by example, knowing
That merely the telling holds no power;
A gift of giving is merely a day, while
A gift of knowing spans forever;
I hope ...
That my darkness holds you gently,
That pain is halved by sharing, that feeling
Wields nothing past the words it summons,
Except that it touch you with only healing ...
I am
A woman,
only.

Another road - or just a place

I cannot speak for all who stem
'Long roads less traveled as their way,
Nor question choices made by them
In days long past or nights long dim
by words they spoke and did not say.

Each road is long, though short it seems,
And credence gives each road a name
Of fantasies sun-drenched in beams
Or choices turned to darkened dreams,
To where each road wends just the same.

From North to South, then back again,
I followed birds like all the rest
Escaping nature's snowy den
On roads I've seen and places been,
Forsaking roads that traveled West.

This journey grows now to its end,
As road reflections lined in chrome
Give way to roads with greater bend
And empty signs that still pretend
They point the way to home sweet home.

But all roads lead to where we go
And where we go is where we've been,
So home is just a word we know,
That space in time most apropos
For where we want to be again.

For even home, it seems to me,
Is still a choice we all must face
From day to day and endlessly,
To choose if home is going to be
Another road - or just a place.