Fallacy...

Tumbling
over reflection's widening shoals
a mock-rivulet
of memory frets,
trickling
out like tiny drops of coconut oil
dropping from careworn hands
fingering unbraided hair,
glistening
for a moment like silver
drops of splurging water titillated
by the diurnal romance
of a wet dark veil of hair,
vaporizing
as the translucent irony
the afternoon sun beckons.

Through My Eyes

Like tyrants assembled with tears
Trembling like a tomb
And singing like a statueI am as empty as the ocean.
My blind eyes scream in silence
So this eternal echo will be known.
Given to the foils of time,
And shattered like plate glass-
You freeze within the fire.
Darkness now lives at daylight,
And shadows turn to the ghosts.
With all that shined is hollow
You imagine unconsciously.
And pretending to sleep you realize,
Nothing is what it seems.

Void...

A simple void, is that what I've become?
The hollowed sphere on a pendulum.
Swinging back and forth, emotion to emotion,
Never once stopping, nor slowing the motion.
No reason, no answer, no justification.
The creation of a sterile imagination.
Just passing through time as time passes me.
Merely a nothing- nothing, merely, left to be.
Sightless and soundless, unseen and unheard.
Mindless and boundless, obscure and absurd.
All empathy lying ungraced, unemployed,
I live my life dying, unembraced, a void.

My Own Bed Of Roses

To lie in a bed of roses,
To feel the silkiness against my skin,
The fragrance
How it comforts me,
Though feeling so alone,
Once again.
There was a time
When skies weren't cloudy,
And it seldom ever rained,
But as the clouds begin to rumble,
Once again there's so much pain.
So I'll lie in my bed of roses,
And wait till the storm subsides,
And use the petals from my bed,
To wipe away the tears I've cried.

Not Yet The Long Sleep

Glittering dark, dancing
Before my eyes, closed
Everything I see, shadowed
In roaring silence
I hear
Falling
A feather
Soundless, a brush
My lovers touch
Bitter, life's bile
Sweet, love's taste
Shadows of tomorrow
Darken the path of yesterday
What was will not be
What is, stands
Before my eyes, open
My life

I am unfolding gently beneath
your loving touch
Becoming
I let wholeness breath my
petals free
Awareness
Sweet fragrant Spirit touching
senses into life
Wisdom
Giving beauty back to the universe
Knowing
Each petal, sweet miracle of life
Oneness
We are hues of color, yet one
in Spirits blossom

Won't you save me from myself
Will you just let me die within
Suffocation in each breath I take
Eternal bliss is all I crave
Won't you save me from myself
Will you just let me die within...

Paradox...

In a changing stasis,
my own paradox,
I sit around unmoving,
lost in my own thoughts.

Times that have passed,
Things yet unseen,
I travel through the shadows
lost, somewhere in between.

I view far off places,
yet nothing do I gain,
I look back upon my life,
and I remember pain.

Silent Tears...

A thunderous silence
breaks through my thoughts.
What was once many great ideas
is now a triumph, lost.

Baffling words tumble through my mind.
Reflections of darkness hover.
A disturbing peacefulness beckons to me,
and inside myself, I take cover.

What would it be like to stay there forever?
To be lost in all my cares?
From the inside, looking out -
I cry silent tears.

Reality bites!!!

In the midst of turmoil
There stood a girl
Full of life
And the strength to go on
Life has treated her badly
But she faced it all
Her arms weakened
Her legs were sore
She held on to life
And lives it up
She can't be defeated
She won't fall

This is an ode to my sister...I look up to you for my strength...and I salute you for your courage...we will fight through this together as a family...love you...

Queer Contemplations...

She walked out
A sense of freedom embraced her
No bonds to live by
No rules to obey
She steps out for the first time
All of 14...she had seen the world
As she rubbed the lipstick off
Her clothes stained crimson
Freedom had now found a colour
The knife drops from her hands
She runs out
Runs to play with her friends
Runs towards home'
People stare
Mother's pull their children away
She had a mother once
She had friends once
And now that she was free
Nobody even spoke to her
She had sold her flesh
Out of desperation
But her soul remained
Untouched and strong
By the look on people's face
She realizes it was not only her body sold
But her identity snatched....

Voices Rant On...

And with each dying day
I tread along
I see your hand stretched out
trying to save me from myself
I emanate the stench of death
As it grasps my legs
And pulls me in
I stretch out my hand
To Reach yours
It's too distant I say
You bend closer
Trying your best
I get a hold
You shout hold on tight
I'll pull you out
I'll save you
my hold no stronger
Than a hoar's aging cunt
I slip....
And as I sink into deaths grasp
I smile...
Cause I'll wait...wait for my love to die...

The Bard of Blasphemy...

You lead a life so sacred
The hate just generates
Doubt your own truth
Your existence does decimate

Living a life of solidarity
All power in oneself
Sold your continence to domination
Your cunt is all thats left

Mocking the actuality
The presence far beyond
Abhorrence to the society
Demons do precipitate

You say you are divine
The messenger of the unseen
Living in your own crap
The epitome of reality

You've learnt a lot you say
Celibacy of the mind
Eating away into yourself
The bard of blasphemy bred...

Existence...

Dark Thoughts
oblivious to feeling

Humble tears
a facade of living

Confused existence
no past or present

Look into the future
A dark and lonely horizon...

All this
Cause I'm...

I asked....

When faith is all i have
Why do i get betrayed
If love did resonate
Then why did it have to fade...

For you my love...

Thought I couldn't live without you
As I saw your blood dripping
My hands red
I had lost you
Without a sign
As I held you close
You slipped away
Into no-whereness
Consumed by the love for yourself

I loved you, I cared for you
You made me feel foolish
So I slit your throat
And now I smile
This no-whereness consumes me
As I hold the blade against my throat
I pull it without a care
For nowhere is where we are meant to be...

Beyond existence...

Since I believe that there's no God
No Satan, no heaven, no hellfire
Since I believe that when we expire
We needn't fear the judgment rod
Why do I still cling to every breath?
Why do I still fear death???

Kaleidoscope

Lost in a world of Make believe
Dazed in life's swirling odyssey
Confused, anguished mental release
I deepest delirious day dreams

Mad World!!!

Unsaid...

Alone
When I'm with you
I understand you
But you don't know me
My silence annoys you
You said so yourself
I think I know you
But a minute later
You are onto your next adventure
Your next mask
You can't hide your feelings from me
You don't know me
You don't want to...

Live my joys to kill

All night I muse
All day I cry
Yet still I wish, though still deny
I sigh I mourn and say that still
I only live my joys to kill
I feed the pain that feeds on me
My wound I stop not, though it bleeds
Heart be content, it must be so
For springs were meant to overflow
Then sigh and weep and mourn thy fill
seek no redress, but languish still
their griefs more willing they endure
That know when they are past recure...

Anything...

You are hurting so much
You look at me
Your eyes pleading for help
For sympathy, understanding
Anything
But I can't help you
I just sit here and offer you
Unspoken Compassion
We don't say
Anything
But we know...

Redeem yourself....

Deceit
lies within you
swims through you
devouring your soul
You look at me
You want help
I smile and turn away...

Just Another Face...

Sit in front of a mirror
my face a blank canvas
Staring into possibilities
Foundation gives color
To this Blank and lifeless soul
Prettier it seems
Fake eyelashes
Lines the eyes
The frugality of existence
Eyeliner to adorn
The souls mirror
Which once captured many hearts
Lipstick marks the presence
Of the voice that escapes
These cracked lips
Feeling prettier
By it all
The Mirror never lies they say
But all that was left was
Just another face...

Escape...

Numerous thoughts
Numerous Insights
Cut up my self
For loss of pride
Living in darkness
Loneliness caves
Torture stricken
The demon screaming to escape
Trapped in myself
devouring
I need to be free
free of all ties
Hurting those I love the most
uncontrollable rage
Loneliness
Frustrating thoughts
I'll kill myself
But fear of death denies the soul
The retribution is not in ones hold
Relieve me this pain
Run away into eternity
But the ties so precious
cant do without
Yet I hurt those I love the most...

Lost in Translation...

Unknown, unseen, so black
Haunts me, kills me
Every moment of my life
I die another death
More painful than the one before
And the beauty within
Mocks me, derides me, laughs at me...
Every moment of guilt
I bottle up within me...

Shapeless, dark, stubborn
Encompasses me
Holds me firmly with strong hands
And the painful grasp
Just makes me more bloodless, more lifeless
More Heartless than I was before...

The secrets unleashed
Strike me like lightening
The pain inflicted
Gives me much wanted relief
And the desire of fulfillment
Lights up my downcast eyes...
The fire of vengeance
Burns bright within me
And cools down my raging mind....

And a hopeless hope
Promises to see me through
A promise meant to be broken....

Bitter Realizations...

Something triggered a cyclone of thoughts in my usually vacuous head and forced me to take notice of what was happening around me, with me, and what I was struggling to ignore. I know I don’t deserve it. What had I ever done? But then I guess this is the way of the world...this is how they pay you back for totally unconditional love. Its just so unfair...the injustice made me really think...what do I actually mean to people I live for, those people I really truly love...?
Definitely not what they mean to me...how much longer can I convince myself that I’m not yet forgotten...

Unsaid Words

I stand facing the
Blank stretch of canvas before me
Thinking of all those pictures
All those colors that were me
Unsaid words, unspoken beauty.

I watched in shock and dismay
The invisible force wrecking my life
Enveloping me in bleeding darkness
Colors of death, hues of strife
Unsaid words, a twisted knife.

I searched for solace
In the blood of my words
Looked for consolation
In a battleground of bitterness and hurt
Unsaid words, pain or mirth?

I lost in love
I lost the game
Hot tears in my eyes
Blinded by the shame
Unsaid words, unbearable pain.

I Live to Die...

I’m so tired of being here
Paying for each misdeed with a precious tear
Slashed my heart with a whip of words
Cried out blood in a haze of hurt.
Never realized the end could be like this
Rudderless and weak, I was going amiss
Failed to perceive the cynicism in his tone
Refused to believe he would leave me stranded, alone.

I’m sick of trying to understand what’s past
An allusive shadow on my future it cast
Shed were the pigments off his skin
Burnt was every inch of my flesh, paying for my sin;
Tears gushed out with a casual languor
Blood flowed with hysterical ardor
A cadaverous corpse paying penance
Eyes longing for respite in every clandestine glance.

Hopes crashed, I surrendered under the weight
Realization dawned upon me too late
Debauched were the feelings I had so treasured
Every ounce of love had been paid for and measured.
Drunk with a sadistic exaltation
I laughed away the pain of my contusion
Dark clouds hovered around me, harbinger of evil
Heralding misfortune, sending through me an ephemeral chill.

I could feel the end hobbling along
Secretly approaching a domicile wrong
I noticed the redundant darkness of the clouds
I envisioned my heart in fragments and shrouds;
Soon the torment would stop with my death
A price would be paid for every breath
The miracles above would exonerate me
A better life in hell I await to see.

Bleed Me Dry

Mirror my most innate thoughts

Speak without words

Protect me from the harsh, blinding reality of this cruel world

See me through sands of time

Of infinity

Peek into a bleak future

Yeah they bleed

Let me cry it all out

Yeah that's what he always wanted

Let me cry out blood…