Underneath it all...



A black ocean is the sky above
Trapped in material plane, they search for love
Slow, slow lover, a beautiful disaster
I listen to your heart beat faster and faster

It's all a pretty train crash to me
Imagine the colors I can see
Twilight zone, twilight zone
Dancing in the dark alone

Among the flowers, lies the knife
Cut through the thorns, release your life
Reach past the cage made steel
Don't loose control, keep your hands on the wheel

Can you see into my mind's eye?
Slip out of consciousness, escape the lie
Why are we looking at broken mirrors?
Sometimes our words fall on deaf ears

When will the rains come and quench the ground
I see them but I don't hear a sound
Pain hits like a fallen satellite
Evil becomes good, dark becomes light

I search for something to hold onto, nothing in sight
Evil becomes good, dark becomes light
I'm drowning again, what is wrong, what is right
Evil becomes good, dark becomes light

I pull myself up to where I should be
Don't be afraid of becoming the sea
Night falls upon me; I stare at the sky
The stars stare back down, please don't let them die

You make the stars brighter
The moon shine a little lighter
When it feels like all hope is gone
You give me the strength to hold on

I was blind until I saw you
Every doubt is erased, I know that it's true
Perfect, it covers all my fear
To you, is who, I want to be near

Unconditionally, always, and forever
I won't let you go, never
Through thick and thin, my best friend for all time
On my last line, hard to think of one final rhyme...

Imagination...


Distant voices race through my head,
as I stave off insanity.
But this time, the voice is real.
Unsure of its origin, I feel my soul is not as cold; my burden lighter.
Though I smile, I soon shiver in frustration.
Tears stream down my cheeks,
as I cannot deny that the other voice is my own,
as my rationality succumbs to my imagination...

Nothing more than a friend...

You were always so perfect to me,
so soft and gentle,
cherishing you instantly,
without a second glance,
I never distrusted those eyes,
that lied to me continuously,
I promised you I'd always try,
but slowly you were losing me.

I would always have given you anything,
just to keep your interest,
stopping my heart from remembering,
all the pain you caused,
I never pulled away from that kiss,
that held a painful hint of truth,
Maybe you'd be too hard to miss,
so I said I was still in love with you.

I wanted more than just the infatuation,
that you found in me.
You said love was only a distraction,
that you really didn't need,
so I cried myself to sleep,
knowing the times we shared must end.
You couldn't let emotion run deep,
you said you made love to me, as a friend.

But eventually, my love,
friendships fade, too,
and I can't make love and walk away,
pretending I don't love you.
Never once did I push you away,
but everything comes to end,
so all that's left to say,
is goodbye...


Reminded...


As we sat there silent
I was reminded of all the reasons why I love you
Your smile,
and the way it brings such life into me
Your laugh,
and the way it makes everything okay
Your eyes,
and the way they seem to read my thoughts

As we stand here now
I am reminded of all the reasons why I hate you
Your smile,
and the way it confuses me
Your laugh,
and the way it seems to mock me
Your eyes,
and the way they can look into mine and not feel a thing...

Terrors of my love...


A warm sensation fills my body
My heart races with every touch
The softness of your voice soothes
My soul
As I lay there hoping the moment
Will never end
Calling out for you
Praying that you'll never let me go
The sensation so strong
I can no longer feel my body
Slowly I fade in and out of reality
In an instant the warm sensation
Fades away
My heart empty
My soul torn apart
Lying there; wondering where I went
Wrong
Calling out for you, only to find
there is no answer
My mind invaded with thoughts
So cruel and unrefined
The sensation of fear of what's to come
Slowly the reality over powering
The lust and fantasy
Leaving me empty
Confused on how to think or feel
The loneliness I feel
So wretched and compelled
Betrayal to myself
Revealing the terrors of my love

The silent cry...



As darkness nears
I feel the bitter air
Invade my lungs.

My breathing labors
As the night's chill
Sucks the life out of me.

Slowly, I drift away
Light-headedness fills my soul
My every move a mechanical dream.

I am fading fast
Fading into a world of blackness
A world of death.

Haunting laughter echoes in my ears
Ringing louder, louder still
I cover my ears - the pain too intense.

I let out a scream,
Panicked and shrill,
But the silence engulfed me and nobody heard...
You let go of my hand
You drifted away
Holding on to hope
I followed your way
Each passing hour
Each moment that speeds
I dream of you
Right next to me
I wake every morning
With a fistfull of dreams
Only to see it disseminate through my fingers
And I'm lost...

Inhalation...


Kissing sounds by curtain pairs on the window,
Taste of her lips , teeth and saliva when she smiles,
Her manicured nails,
Dull boring sound from the television, scratching and removing the
velvet algae accumulated on the surface of perception
Burning taste of water,
Numb silence of the ice cubes,
Piercing pain in the stomach, slimy and grey resembling an old sin;
slowly devouring the core of existence,
All going up and down - rhythmic yet strenuous like fluorescent
yellow images of a electrocardiogram; fading away into bluish white haze.

Everything...everytime...


Every new beginning,
comes from some beginnings end.

Every time you kill me,
I am born again.

Every time you close that door,
Another door is opened.

And every time you say goodbye,
a different word is spoken.

Every time you look at me
my back is facing you,

And every time you ask to see me
I'll have something else to do.

Every time I join your game,
You're not playing fair,

And every time I really love you,
I pretend that I don't care.

Soar...


Midnight under the sheltering skies
Wish on a star for I'm paralyzed
You've frozen this heart, broken these wings
I need to learn again what freedom brings

Prisoner in the realm of emptiness
Breakout from this void, land of darkness.
Shadows of past can't ruin the future
Spread my wings again just like a vulture

Ride the chilling breeze, once more I dare
Hunt for love begins somewhere out there
Beauty of forgiveness is my gain
Farewell, my unnecessary pain

Soar, Black Crow, Soar.
Search for happiness that once was yours
Entirety of heavens is all yours

Soar, White Dove, Soar.
View the world through different set of eyes
Freedom gives you the power to rise.

Fly high, Soar high,
Sorrow, Good-bye.

Bereft...


Within this burdened breast
lies a heavy saddened heart,
this weight tortures rest
of it you were a part.

Now torn from my grasp,
forever it would seem,
this loneliness to never lapse
so empty have I been.

Once more, your embrace I need
to dispel this wretched grief.
From it I must be freed,
with your compassion my relief.

Come back and take my hand
to comfort and to hold,
end my devastation, if you can,
and soothe my aching soul...

Legacy of love


As darkness slowly seeps into the air
The September Sun sinks further into the pillows
That are made of mountains
I feel drawn to the night
Which I once so fiercely fought.

Velvety soft wings envelop me
And my heart is full of you.

If tomorrow comes without me
If the darkness should carry me softly away
If I have heard my last dawn chorus,
Seen my last bright sunrise, lived my last sweet day

Wrap my love around you like a blanket
When winter comes, to keep you warm.
And forgive me that I am not with you.
Let my love carry you through the storm...

She was alone...


Sometimes I walk alone at night.
I try to figure out why it's so hard for me to fight,
Why I've always tried to suppress the thoughts in my head,
the ones that wish me dead.

It seems that all was cold and dark along that path to my heart.
It seems that no one could see through the mask,
could see the hidden struggle
and everything goes back to the start

The beginning when all fell apart
the time when all broke down,
and the tears could not be heard,
but the pain lingered on,
gasping for air as it sucked all joy from her heart.

She could not even whisper her longing to be held,
her longing to forget,
her longing to be heard and loved.
She could not even face her own body,
her own face as she woke.

She was alone
She was alone because no one would ever know what made her cry,
and die and turn to ashes inside.
Because the silence was her only hope,
her mask of joy.

To understand -
She lost herself that day.
She lost all trust.
It was too much for her small heart to take,
too much for her small mind to forget.
Can it ever go away?

Derelict...


I am a derelict of no compassion;
Cast me staring where eyes are ashen.
Steely gaze on reflective faces-
Bore your bodies through their paces.
I'll think my thought, but give you naught
And never show my graces.
Show me the bait, and I will slander-
Show me your task and I'll meander.
Never my daylight will infuse it,
Tarnish my mask; forsake, misuse it.

I am a derelict with no concession-
Full fare paid to my obsession.
Never give in, but standing firm,
Hold you tight while trying to squirm.
I'll take your savings, pass your ravings
And never cut the term.
Without the odds, you're panic smitten-
Once twice shy, and always bitten.
Darkness is your first prelude;
Followed by the lightness' crude.

I am a derelict of third degree-
The bad, the worse, forlorn and ugly.
You stand in line and hear me mutter;
With laryngitis screaming from my gutter.
Backward talk, my lonely walk,
And sympathy refrained; no utter.
There would be ease to shoot my spine-
The Hatter's party- all cups are mine.
One day I may converse a season,
But nothing repeats without a reason.

Shadows of sorrow...


In dark dismay I recall a day-
With word and pen so fine in fashion.
Mellowed away to shades of gray,
Today I just pine for that passion.

Yet void of rest I take the test,
Facing another graceless day, alone.
Giving to the quest my generic best,
Faceless to this world, turned to stone.

So damned to drift along the rift-
Of teasing emotions I can't feel.
I search and sift for one to share my gift-
The silky sand oceans of ordeal.

With red-rimmed eye, a solemn sigh-
Echoes the wonder in my call.
With darkness on high blanketing the sky,
Does anyone understand me at all?

Stirred, but not shaken, I awaken-
The virility of hope for a tomorrow.
If only to be taken, forsaken-
By the groping shadow of Sorrow.

Underneath Me...


A black ocean is the sky above
Trapped in material plane, they search for love
Slow, slow lover, a beautiful disaster
I listen to your heart beat faster and faster

It's all a pretty train crash to me
Imagine the colors I can see
Twilight zone, twilight zone
Dancing in the dark alone

Among the flowers, lies the knife
Cut through the thorns, release your life
Reach past the cage made steel
Don't loose control, keep your hands on the wheel

Can you see into my mind's eye?
Slip out of consciousness, escape the lie
Why are we looking at broken mirrors?
Sometimes our words fall on deaf ears

When will the rains come and quench the ground
I see them but I don't hear a sound
Pain hits like a fallen satellite
Evil becomes good, dark becomes light

I search for something to hold onto, nothing in sight
Evil becomes good, dark becomes light
I'm drowning again, what is wrong, what is right
Evil becomes good, dark becomes light

I pull myself up to where I should be
Don't be afraid of becoming the sea
Night falls upon me; I stare at the sky
The stars stare back down, please don't let them die

Shadowed eyes...


Someday in the distant future
A memory will float upon you
Like the whispering willows
Being tossed by the wind

A thought touching you deep
A memory to be longed for
In her lost shadowed eyes
That once showed you love

Now the torment is gone
Her life went on
Forgotten reasons
Imprisoning her soul

Remember her
To your last breath
For in the folds of her heart
You have forever remained

Hidden in the haze of her reverie
Stroking her stoned heart
She feels no more sorrow
Just the warm soft glow

The roads she has wandered
Never revealed
The person you never knew
For it never will

No promises rendered
No dreams subdued
No more warm stormy nights
To capture her mood

Maybe you'll feel her
Her scent burning in the night
Recalling her touch
While shadowed in moonlight

She once had loved you
Holding you tight
Now her shadowed eyes
Can forever haunt you in the night

Retreat...


I retreat into a world of calm
A world created out of desperation
and cowardice
I'm all alone in my reality
There will be no betrayal
or abandonment,
for I'll never let you in
I float on a cloud of disinterest as
your offers of help go unanswered
In my world I need no one
No lovers, no friends,
no higher power
My world would only frighten you
Beneath the placid calm of
consciousness lies an underworld
of bitterness, rage, mistrust
Madness awaits
Leave me alone on my cloud of calm
and I may come back to you
Push me and I'll fall...

Broken...


I see me sitting sadly in the corner
Knees drawn up tightly to my chest.
Mind and body wreaked in sorrow
As tears course down my face.
I pray to a God I don't believe in
Yet I curse him in the same breath.
I look at me with narrowed eyes
Pitying the sorry creature I have become.
I look into my wretched soul
Cursing the emptiness inside.
Emptiness put there by my own stupidity.
As I stand over the huddling form of myself
I see I have gotten what I deserved from life.
I had no right to the beautiful love we shared
Sadly I watch the shell of myself slowly cracking
Oozing out all the pain and misery within my soul.
There on top of all the shattered pieces
Lay my beating heart, all alone.
I gently pick it up and place it where it belongs.
May it rest in peace forever...

Letting you go...


How do you walk away from someone you love
And take the road of friend;
Can you reroute the course you have taken
And start over once again?

I don't really want to let you go
But inside me I know I must;
The times we've loved . . . the times you've left
My heart says stay . . . but it's my mind I must trust.

We have shared so much together
Laughter . . . fun times . . . tears;
Yet sometimes we can't turn back time
We must walk away, and allow ourselves to heal.

I know one day you will be happy
And your soulmate you will find;
I know we each have one out there
Even if for now . . . only in our minds.

May life be gentle with you
May the best come your way;
And on some quiet tomorrow
You will realize things were better this way.

Whispers in the dark...


Thoughts of you,
our history,
flow through my mind insistently.
My energy
is wasted on remorse,
and while I'm struggling desperately
to keep my dignity,
your destiny
is following its course.
A memory, life's driving force

Whispers in the dark;
a meeting at the park,
a flash
of sudden inspiration.
We rode out into the night,
surrounded by moonlight,
to an unknown destination;
and with memories following close behind,
we climbed up a hill to gaze at the sky -
to talk about life as it's passing us by,
and we tried to find the reasons why

Is it useless to hope that this torment will cease
and passions lose allure?
That time will offer some kind of release
and memories will blur?

The soulful cry...

A lonely being
A lonely life
A lonely existence
Full of strife

Buckling up, she treads this path
Tears in her eyes
Hands fisted, feet stead fast...
Heading towards the light..

She struggles, she falls
She fails to understand
She picks herself up and treads along


  

Please Fatty...


As soft winds sweep away the days
I look back on life through a haze.
Remember playgrounds, parks and friends,
In childlike gaze that never ends.
The laughter in a game of catch,
Shall memory ever attach...
To innocence in youthful eyes,
Catching the ball to your surprise.

I recall my first bike, first wreck,
Who picked me up, said, "What the heck?"
Convinced me to give one more try,
While, knees skinned, I forgot to cry.
Just the joy knowing she was there,
Making her proud my only care.
There was nothing I couldn't do,
My heart held fast that to be true.

Though teenage years were kind of rough,
I sure wasn't too big or tough.
You taught me to defend what's right
And never back down from a fight.
So I learned the hard way to stand,
Still, with each lump, I found your hand.
Drawing from you an inner strength,
And stubborn pride of equal length.

But there the line of fate was drawn,
As though I blinked and you were gone.
I found myself facing the sun,
Not a girl, not a lady, sister-less, one.
Eyes blinded by a void inside,
I could not live, you had died.
Alas finding it to be true,
I could do nothing without you.

Please, Fatty, today just hear my call,
I'm sorry that I dropped the ball.
My life is wrecked, my knees are skinned,
My emotions undisciplined.
I can't get up although I try,
Please don't be upset if I cry.
Though I can't fight what I can't see,
Please, Fatty, say you're still proud of me...

I'll love you to the bitter end...


Thinking of you - acid rain falls -
or are those tears which burn
fiery paths of hurt down my
face and on my neck - where I
can't swallow or breathe - can
this choking be my end? Yes -
but the pain has just begun
as the heart thirsts for love
but only soaks in anguish - which
drains it of life - tearing
a jagged scar - a raw wound
open and screeching - echoing
through a tortured mind -
then time is the enemy -
all that remains
is a skeleton of
agonistic spirit -
singing a haunting melody -
"I'll love you to the bitter end."

Begone screams of silence, harbingers of pain
Cloaked in isolation, you mock in harsh disdain
My soul is torn asunder, I curse you, God of Hell
As you pierced my tortured soul, what horrors I befell.
You spoke of quiet solitude, to tempt me to your lair
Then lanced me in my troubled heart, to depths of dark despair
Nemesis, I beg of you, rise up in righteous ire
Protect me from Hell's eternal fire
With all my voice I scream to you, protect me from the night
Alas, in forlorn desperation, I journey to the light
Banished to mind's Coventry, I heed the demon's call
Beckoned by the silent screams, I enter Dante's hall.

Shadows...


An unnoticed identity clouded,
restless beneath your feet
sorrow life years buried in dirt
billions of cares unforgiven.
Scar a lifeline on granite stone
living wasted nothings
These unspoken distant calls repel,
dying seeds of hateful notes
Use nitrous pins to expose
this evil flesh inside
revealing impure fragile wings
that can't ever be hidden
Yourself seen towards judgement
flow an ocean of tears seeping
downwards to Hell.