Retreat...


I retreat into a world of calm
A world created out of desperation
and cowardice
I'm all alone in my reality
There will be no betrayal
or abandonment,
for I'll never let you in
I float on a cloud of disinterest as
your offers of help go unanswered
In my world I need no one
No lovers, no friends,
no higher power
My world would only frighten you
Beneath the placid calm of
consciousness lies an underworld
of bitterness, rage, mistrust
Madness awaits
Leave me alone on my cloud of calm
and I may come back to you
Push me and I'll fall...

Broken...


I see me sitting sadly in the corner
Knees drawn up tightly to my chest.
Mind and body wreaked in sorrow
As tears course down my face.
I pray to a God I don't believe in
Yet I curse him in the same breath.
I look at me with narrowed eyes
Pitying the sorry creature I have become.
I look into my wretched soul
Cursing the emptiness inside.
Emptiness put there by my own stupidity.
As I stand over the huddling form of myself
I see I have gotten what I deserved from life.
I had no right to the beautiful love we shared
Sadly I watch the shell of myself slowly cracking
Oozing out all the pain and misery within my soul.
There on top of all the shattered pieces
Lay my beating heart, all alone.
I gently pick it up and place it where it belongs.
May it rest in peace forever...

Letting you go...


How do you walk away from someone you love
And take the road of friend;
Can you reroute the course you have taken
And start over once again?

I don't really want to let you go
But inside me I know I must;
The times we've loved . . . the times you've left
My heart says stay . . . but it's my mind I must trust.

We have shared so much together
Laughter . . . fun times . . . tears;
Yet sometimes we can't turn back time
We must walk away, and allow ourselves to heal.

I know one day you will be happy
And your soulmate you will find;
I know we each have one out there
Even if for now . . . only in our minds.

May life be gentle with you
May the best come your way;
And on some quiet tomorrow
You will realize things were better this way.

Whispers in the dark...


Thoughts of you,
our history,
flow through my mind insistently.
My energy
is wasted on remorse,
and while I'm struggling desperately
to keep my dignity,
your destiny
is following its course.
A memory, life's driving force

Whispers in the dark;
a meeting at the park,
a flash
of sudden inspiration.
We rode out into the night,
surrounded by moonlight,
to an unknown destination;
and with memories following close behind,
we climbed up a hill to gaze at the sky -
to talk about life as it's passing us by,
and we tried to find the reasons why

Is it useless to hope that this torment will cease
and passions lose allure?
That time will offer some kind of release
and memories will blur?

The soulful cry...

A lonely being
A lonely life
A lonely existence
Full of strife

Buckling up, she treads this path
Tears in her eyes
Hands fisted, feet stead fast...
Heading towards the light..

She struggles, she falls
She fails to understand
She picks herself up and treads along


  

Please Fatty...


As soft winds sweep away the days
I look back on life through a haze.
Remember playgrounds, parks and friends,
In childlike gaze that never ends.
The laughter in a game of catch,
Shall memory ever attach...
To innocence in youthful eyes,
Catching the ball to your surprise.

I recall my first bike, first wreck,
Who picked me up, said, "What the heck?"
Convinced me to give one more try,
While, knees skinned, I forgot to cry.
Just the joy knowing she was there,
Making her proud my only care.
There was nothing I couldn't do,
My heart held fast that to be true.

Though teenage years were kind of rough,
I sure wasn't too big or tough.
You taught me to defend what's right
And never back down from a fight.
So I learned the hard way to stand,
Still, with each lump, I found your hand.
Drawing from you an inner strength,
And stubborn pride of equal length.

But there the line of fate was drawn,
As though I blinked and you were gone.
I found myself facing the sun,
Not a girl, not a lady, sister-less, one.
Eyes blinded by a void inside,
I could not live, you had died.
Alas finding it to be true,
I could do nothing without you.

Please, Fatty, today just hear my call,
I'm sorry that I dropped the ball.
My life is wrecked, my knees are skinned,
My emotions undisciplined.
I can't get up although I try,
Please don't be upset if I cry.
Though I can't fight what I can't see,
Please, Fatty, say you're still proud of me...