When Is It Time?

When is it time to say goodbye,

To all the love I've known,

When is it time to end your pain,

And leave me all alone?

I've watched you on your good days when

I feel your strength renewed;

But shortly after little ups,

The down days then ensue.

We ride this roller-coaster of

Emotions as we try,

To make it through another day,

And yet, I can't deny ...

That as I look into your face

On days that have been bad,

I see a look that beckons me

It's tired, and hurt, and sad.

The little spark I used to see

Behind those loving eyes,

Is growing ever clouded

By life's cruel inhumane side.

I try to see beyond the pain

You feel with every step;

And softly whisper to myself

This may get better yet.

If I can bear to watch you

Just another day or two;

I justify my reasons to

Ensure I cling to you.

For letting go is harder for

The person left behind;

It means that if I let you go,

I cannot turn back time.

Back to the days I long for now,

When you were full of life;

And every day held promise,

And our futures, clear and bright.

But now the lights are darkening ...

We take it daily now;

I cannot see our futures clear

Or think beyond this cloud.

I think the hardest part in this

Is never knowing why,

I have to be courageous

And I have to say goodbye.

For if I let myself admit

It's time to let you go;

I'd have to face reality

Without you ... but I know ...

That soon I have to face the

Final outcome that I dread,

And holding on will only serve

To hurt you in the end.

You've given such unselfish love

For all our time in life,

But if I hold too tightly,

You'll not move t'ward the light ...

On to a better life, where you

Can once again be free,

Of all the pain and discomfort

That holds you here to me.

So if I find the courage just to say

This last farewell,

I hope you will forgive me for

The time it took me; still ...

I'll hold with me, the memories

That in my heart remain,

Pray one day, down the road a'ways

... They'll lessen my own pain...

You're not around...

First Ma and now you,

have left ne witout a clue

I cry all night as i look for you...

Please come back i don know how to live...
I'm lost in this world with nobody to see

Please come back fatty,
I'm waiting here for you
My arms stretched out eager to hold you

I cant go on by myself I need you to guide me,
hold my hand and teach me the ways of the world...

There is no one like you..
I miss you so much...please come back to me,
Please don make me search

No future without you as no past would have been lived
Please come back to me fatty,
With memories I cant live

You held me tight when ma left us....
Who do i talk to now...
Please come back fatty, come back to me...
I cant go on without you...
I cant go on at all

I'm broken inside nobody can see...I laugh to hide my tears and everybody misreads....

Just a little longer...

Desolation,
Wide open space,
Between the trees and me,
Emptiness and me,
Confusion and decisions,
Feelings hard to define,
And I say to myself,
Just a little longer,

Coldness seeps
Its way in,
I am falling deeper,
Into what I fear most,
As I reach out,
There is nothing there,
As possible there was something once,
Only to be gone,
And I say to myself,
Just a little longer,

The sun drops,
The last inch of light falls,
The squirrels more likely to be huddled up,
But not me,
Something I never possessed,
And I say to myself,
Just a little longer,

Then the sun has gone,
Darkness spreads its wings over me,
I see nothing so no one sees me,
Feeling of bitterness only,
And I say to myself,
Just a little longer,

An Owl peers down,
With question in her eyes,
She doesn't have a hope,
In helping me,
As she doesn't see my pain,
Spreads her wings,
Passes me by,
And I say to myself,
Just a little longer,

The soft earth,
Seems the only thing holding me up,
Even then I could slip,
And wondering takes me,
To why and how I got here,
Without even knowing it,
Yet no one notices,
As they didn't see before,
So I say to myself,
Just a little longer,

Shimmering in the darkness,
I see two moons,
Reflecting off a stream of thoughts,
Ongoing forever more,
Along a rocky road,
Slowly giving in to finding a way out,
I take the plunge under the river,
Then the wind carries a whisper,
Gently on a breeze,
'Just a little longer.'

Slow Tears

I look up
as a tear rolls slowly
down my cheek
I think about better days
and wonder if I'll feel that way again
you look at me
with those eyes I know so well
always serious, so deep and insightful
as though you're always in control
But not today
not now
Now you look so scared
like for once you don't have the answer
I gaze at you
looking deep into those hazel eyes
Hoping to understand
why you've said those things you did
I wonder for a moment
if this is all a dream
if I shall wake in the morning
and be relieved
you look at me
with a confusion I have never seen
slowly pull me towards you
and wipe the tears from my cheek

Shadows...

An unnoticed identity clouded,
restless beneath your feet
sorrow life years buried in dirt
billions of cares unforgiven.
Scar a lifeline on granite stone
living wasted nothings
These unspoken distant calls repel,
dying seeds of hateful notes
Use nitrous pins to expose
this evil flesh inside
revealing impure fragile wings
that can't ever be hidden
Yourself seen towards judgement
flow an ocean of tears seeping
downwards to Hell.

Each Passing Moment

All at once I must return
to the blue water,
before so comforting and yet
now strangely insufficient.
The knowledge of you,
too much to bear with
you so far away.

I dread the leaving,
and hate the coming distance,
the start of the grieving
for your love, for your love.

I return to our stars,
my link to you
and all they represented
of you, and me, of ourselves.
The scent of you
incensing me further, with
you not here today.

I dread the leaving
and hate the growing distance,
the start of the grieving
for more love, of your love.

The time is almost upon me
and leaving for even a moment,
tears my heart in two
with no hope of rejoining.
The thought of you
brings tears to my eyes,
stinging, streaming down my face.

I dread the leaving
and hate the cold distance,
the start of the grieving
for all of you and our love.

It's here now, the time
I now die a little inside.
Like a flower denied his sunshine
I cower in the shadow of hopelessness
Waiting......Waiting for you.
The thought of your warmth
regenerates my petals
anticipating your touch,
your kiss and your grace.

I dread the maddening night,
I hate the cloudy skies
that deny me our stars
and, the look of love from your eyes.

On a Darkened Horse...

She rode upon a darkened horse,
Who carried all her fears away.
Leaving trails of blood from her hearts remorse.
Not knowing what to say,
There's no longer a delay.

Tidal waves of stormy clouds pour in
As she cluntches her teeth tight.
Desires are fed off her adrenalin.
Striving to stay alive with might.

Thunder rips through her body's temple,
Walking her spirit upon shakey ground.
Now, flying free it all seems so simple.
Yet the sun decends and nothing is found.

What has this timeless journey brought?
All answers weaved and salted.