Erratic drawings....

Living in daze
This morning half awake
Drawing and scratching
Through all that has been
Erasing the past
Figuring out the future
Standing on a land that has not yet been formed
Illustrating sketching the has been
Nothing to look forward to
Nothing to hold on to
Living in a dark disdain
All I got is my sanity
And even that seems to fade...

Written by a dear dear friend of mine 'Sumanta Kumar Saha'

Every time I was dejected and blue
I just closed my eyes and found you
You inspire like nobody else could do
And I am at lack of words that’d describe you
I thank you for those numerous times
When you touched my heart and made me smile

Sir-ji you are a poet and you didn't know it... :P

Damned and faceless...

In dark dismay I recall a day
With word and pen so fine in fashion
Mellowed away to shades of gray
Today I just pine for that passion

Yet void of rest I take the test
Facing another graceless day, alone
Giving to the quest my generic best
Faceless to this world, turned to stone

So damned to drift along the rift-
Of teasing emotions I can't feel
I search and sift for one to share my gift
The silky sand oceans of ordeal

With red-rimmed eye, a solemn sigh
Echoes the wonder in my call
With darkness on high blanketing the sky
Does anyone understand me at all?

Stirred, but not shaken, I awaken
The virility of hope for a tomorrow
If only to be taken, forsaken
By the groping shadow of Sorrow...

April's Moods

Spring should be a joyful time
Filled with happiness and flowers
Unfortunately, April mine
Seems to have more clouds and showers.

As the rain falls from the cloud
April showers me with pain
Hurting then my soul does shroud
And on down comes the rain.

As the rain falls from the skies
Showers fall upon my face-
Teardrops running from my eyes
Each moving at a different pace.

Trying to act like I don't care
I hold my head high through the drizzle
But this sorrow I can hardly bear
And soon those reckless feelings fizzle.

April soon brings back the sun
To chase away the rain-gray skies
But my dark days are not yet done
As long as they stay, I will cry.

Is This What Life Is All About?

As I lay here in my dark, and lonely room,
filled with sadness , and with gloom.
I listen for your breathing, but it's not there.
I reach to touch you, but touch only air.
In my heart is a loneliness that I alone must bare.

I feel all around me there is no one who really cares.
So, forgive me if I must cry out
"Is This What Life Is All About?"
to feel so empty, and cast out.

Where are the ones who said they cared!
Where are the ones who said they would always be there!
So, as I lay here in my dark, and lonely room ,
filled with sadness, and with gloom.
Forgive me if I must cry out,
"Is This What Life Is All About?"

The things I gave away...

When we first met I made you promise
you would never leave,
then I told you of the demons,
and how they made me bleed.

I made you promise crazy things,
but your words were not enough.
I couldn't believe you loved me
I thought to love me was too tough.

When I cry about my past
and say that I'm ashamed
I know I am the only one
who is to be blamed.
Then you crawl in bed beside me
and say that it's ok-
so I cry for my loss of innocence
and the things I gave away.

When I can't sleep through the night,
when I toss and turn in bed,
you wrap your arms around me
and chase the demons from my head.
You say don't talk about the past
you tell me that it's gone,
you say since we're together now
it's time that I move on,
you say that I'm your angel
but if you only knew
the kind of thoughts I think
and what I used to do.
You tell me it doesn't matter
and that you love me anyway-
so I cry for my loss of innocence
and the things I gave away.

They said that's how they liked it
when I dragged my nails across their backs,
but now you hold my hand in yours
and tell me to relax,
you say that this is making love
and this is the better way-
so I cry for my loss of innocence
and the things I gave away.

I never felt a thing
before you touched my heart
and when you touched my body,
I thought I'd fall apart.
When you kiss my lips,
I feel you deep within my soul
then you wrap your arms around me
and say you'll never let me go.

When I tremble at your tenderness
and melt in your arms,
I know you really love me,
and you'll keep me safe from harm
you know I've never loved
or been loved in any kind of way-
so I cry for my loss of innocence
and the things I gave away.

Why...

Why do I smile at the sound of your voice?
Why do I let you take over me as if I had no choice?
Why do I let you touch me in places never touched?
Why do I like to have you around so much?

Why do I melt at the tenderness of your kiss?
Why do I feel like I could live forever like this?
Why do I put my heart in your hands?
Why do I answer to your every demand?

Why do I tell you leaving me is not your wrong?
Why do I let you know with out you I'm not quite as strong?
Why do I take you back even though I know it's not right?
Why do I feel like I should please you by not putting up a fight?

Why do I care about you even though you hurt me?
Why do I turn my head from what's plain reality?
Why do I try to hide from what is true?
Why do I still have these feelings for you?

I don't know...

spinning out of control
my mind is always spinning

shimmers of pain and confusion
dominate my every thought

I can't handle it
it can devour me at an instant

when, where, why?
questions I ask everyday

limbo is my residence
madness is my destination

is this it?
this is all I'm supposed to be

where do I fit in?
or do I fit in?

All by myself....

If only it were so simple,
to cruise through life smelling roses;
but the obstacles blacken the countryside,
and we unwittingly crush them beneath our boots.

Dreams sustain us through the madness;
goals give a finish line to our race.
Yet they change with every turn, around every wall,
and remain elusive throughout the quest.

Mistakes are made, and regrets are our luggage;
we will drag them with us to slow us down.
The victories are flashes of light, sudden and unlasting, which allow us
to glimpse the road ahead before darkness descends.

Love is bitter, yet it is the bread that keeps us.
Over and over it fills us up, only to starve us.
The people whom we love shape our destinies and our strengths,
yet leave us cold and alone in the darkness.

There are others trying to race to the end;
occasionally, we bump into one or two.
The bonds we form help us down the path less lonely
but eventually, we lose each other in the darkness.

Alone is not a bad way to be;
it clears your head and focuses you on the journey.
Cherish the short intervals during the quest you have with others,
but be prepared to walk alone in the darkness...

Letting go...

There is many a time
You seem to read my mind.
But in the end
You can't know what I intend.
Your view of my actions
Are clouded by your past attachments.

Your memory guides your comprehension.
If only you could change the definitions.
Erase the imprints on your heart.
Make a new start.
Allow me to ease your misery.
Let us make our own new history...

Tearless sorrows...

She looks into air, herself falling rain
Dripping coldness past, memories old pain.

Drops fall, the puddling her damp water-life.
Spiralling a mirror, self-lonely strife.

A sigh, one frown, crying soft saddened tears.
Storms of remember - through bleak yesteryear.

Clouds a-whorl, dark sky sheltering fair heart.
But how can she joy, while taking no part?

Covering cold soul, corona of defence.
Defying the stab of her fate's intents.

This is madness, she thinks in plaintive cry.
I'm here, on the cusp, of lay down and die.

What my destiny, but an empty-off dream?
A plaything with which gods and angels scheme.

Am I doomed then to live, time never-free?
Subsumed wholly beneath life's scattered debris?

Is justice, outside this torrential doubt?
Perhaps more than sorrow, painful fall-out?

Is love, perhaps, just a sliver of sun?
Shining through mists, revealing Avalon?

Personal paradise, which I can own,
Evoking happiness, hither unknown?

She raises from streets of lonely no more.
Light slicing through darkness, hopes washed ashore.

Her withered gait now straightening with pride.
She glides like an angel 'cross future's tide.

Belief in life renewed, no, only found.
Footsteps echoing, a cadence of sound.

Caressing the ground, sing the beat of her heart.
Into the sun seeking love's brand new start.

Wishful Thinking

I cannot speak for all who stem
'Long roads less travelled as their way,
Nor question choices made by them
In days long past or nights long dim
by words they spoke and did not say.

Each road is long, though short it seems,
And credence gives each road a name
Of fantasies sun-drenched in beams
Or choices turned to darkened dreams,
To where each road wends just the same.

From North to South, then back again,
I followed birds like all the rest
Escaping nature's snowy den
On roads I've seen and places been,
Forsaking roads that travelled West.

This journey grows now to its end,
As road reflections lined in chrome
Give way to roads with greater bend
And empty signs that still pretend
They point the way to home sweet home.

But all roads lead to where we go
And where we go is where we've been,
So home is just a word we know,
For where we want to be again.

For even home, it seems to me,
Is still a choice we all must face
From day to day and endlessly,
To choose if home is going to be
Another road - or just a place.