Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Lost in Translation...

Unknown, unseen, so black
Haunts me, kills me
Every moment of my life
I die another death
More painful than the one before
And the beauty within
Mocks me, derides me, laughs at me...
Every moment of guilt
I bottle up within me...

Shapeless, dark, stubborn
Encompasses me
Holds me firmly with strong hands
And the painful grasp
Just makes me more bloodless, more lifeless
More Heartless than I was before...

The secrets unleashed
Strike me like lightening
The pain inflicted
Gives me much wanted relief
And the desire of fulfillment
Lights up my downcast eyes...
The fire of vengeance
Burns bright within me
And cools down my raging mind....

And a hopeless hope
Promises to see me through
A promise meant to be broken....

Bitter Realizations...

Something triggered a cyclone of thoughts in my usually vacuous head and forced me to take notice of what was happening around me, with me, and what I was struggling to ignore. I know I don’t deserve it. What had I ever done? But then I guess this is the way of the world...this is how they pay you back for totally unconditional love. Its just so unfair...the injustice made me really think...what do I actually mean to people I live for, those people I really truly love...?
Definitely not what they mean to much longer can I convince myself that I’m not yet forgotten...

Unsaid Words

I stand facing the
Blank stretch of canvas before me
Thinking of all those pictures
All those colors that were me
Unsaid words, unspoken beauty.

I watched in shock and dismay
The invisible force wrecking my life
Enveloping me in bleeding darkness
Colors of death, hues of strife
Unsaid words, a twisted knife.

I searched for solace
In the blood of my words
Looked for consolation
In a battleground of bitterness and hurt
Unsaid words, pain or mirth?

I lost in love
I lost the game
Hot tears in my eyes
Blinded by the shame
Unsaid words, unbearable pain.

I Live to Die...

I’m so tired of being here
Paying for each misdeed with a precious tear
Slashed my heart with a whip of words
Cried out blood in a haze of hurt.
Never realized the end could be like this
Rudderless and weak, I was going amiss
Failed to perceive the cynicism in his tone
Refused to believe he would leave me stranded, alone.

I’m sick of trying to understand what’s past
An allusive shadow on my future it cast
Shed were the pigments off his skin
Burnt was every inch of my flesh, paying for my sin;
Tears gushed out with a casual languor
Blood flowed with hysterical ardor
A cadaverous corpse paying penance
Eyes longing for respite in every clandestine glance.

Hopes crashed, I surrendered under the weight
Realization dawned upon me too late
Debauched were the feelings I had so treasured
Every ounce of love had been paid for and measured.
Drunk with a sadistic exaltation
I laughed away the pain of my contusion
Dark clouds hovered around me, harbinger of evil
Heralding misfortune, sending through me an ephemeral chill.

I could feel the end hobbling along
Secretly approaching a domicile wrong
I noticed the redundant darkness of the clouds
I envisioned my heart in fragments and shrouds;
Soon the torment would stop with my death
A price would be paid for every breath
The miracles above would exonerate me
A better life in hell I await to see.

Bleed Me Dry

Mirror my most innate thoughts

Speak without words

Protect me from the harsh, blinding reality of this cruel world

See me through sands of time

Of infinity

Peek into a bleak future

Yeah they bleed

Let me cry it all out

Yeah that's what he always wanted

Let me cry out blood…

Just for tonight...

Dear Rebound Sex, you must be the hardest thing to unravel right now. You see, I always opposed you, I looked down on you, I counted my luc...