Partners in crime...

There is a sadness that sleeps within me,
It wakes up only to feed,
It says it will eat me alive; A few years down the line.
I wash the fear down with rum,
Write; to dissolve its threatening life form,
It is consuming me, growing inside my body.
It is a bastard child,
I am the mother, who nurtures it,
I gave it wings, now it flies, within my mind.
I am made up of the darkest of matter,
There is no galaxy within me, no stars that shine,
I sleep under a loveless sky.
I wrench my pain; enclose it in my silent suffering,
“Nobody must know”, it says,
“That we are partners in crime"

Destiny fulfilled...

The razor's edge
Honed...
Sharp...
Slicing ...
Tearing away
A flash of light
Ending it all
Seeking pain
The final ecstasy
Searching
Reality
Destiny fulfilled
Death.

Maybe this is how it ends...

My eyes are tired, don't want to close them.
'Cause if I do, I know I'll break down.
The light in me is starting to grow dim
and yet I'm still so tightly wound.

My body hurts, still I move on.
My heart gets faster with every beat.
I wonder, will I make it to dawn?
No one knows so I retreat.

Running on the inside, I trip and fall;
I feel the pain scourge through.
I miss my sanity most of all
and realize there is nothing left to do.

So when I fall, I don't try to stop;
everything slows in pace.
I just let my body drop
and feel relief spread across my face.

I lie in the dark, cold and alone,
thinking about how I don't care.
The meaning in this is still unknown
and try to decipher, I do not dare.

I shed a tear and close my eyes;
I let myself crumble apart.
I feel a piece inside of me die
and knowing this breaks my heart...

Uncertainty...

Uncertainty beckons me
These fears I cannot hide
Leading a life of falsities
A kaleidescope of sorts
Remembering the days gone past
Of things said, promises made
Of lies told, of pains unspoken
What am I yet to find out?
While I weave this web of deceit
You seem even more distant
The truth is I'm saving myself
From feeling anything for you
I see a little part of me disappear
As I fade from your life...

Abandoned

On a dark dreary night
When everything seems distant
Tears roll down for the loss I feel
I killed a part of me
A part of me yet again
In the fear that I couldn't bear the burden

You said you'd be a friend
You said you'd stand by me...
And here I stand today
Alone and unwanted
I haven't regretted many things in my life
I haven't wanted to change any
But looking back now
I wish we never met
Cause knowing you turned out
To be the biggest mistake I ever made...

And I smile...

I close my eyes against the tears

And push all thought from my mind

In an effort to stop the pain

But inside I feel the cry resound

As it echoes within me

And clamping my jaw tightly shut

So the screams cannot break free

I feel the rip inside my soul

As every denial rages out

I clench my fingers, nails digging in

Refusing still to shout

A burden I bear all on my own

A secret none can see and know

With a smile that lies, I greet the world

While I crumble inside of me...

Of Lust and Desire...

That evening, I found you charming:
Kind/benign; but in your own quiet way,
Bright as the sun...
And we both burned incandescently
Before the night was done...
For you were moth and I was flame
Primordial fire we were challenged to tame
As we writhed through the ritual
no one should name
Of touch and tease/debauch and please;
Drowning each other in scandalous seas
Of lava like lust
Till we fell to our knees
In uncontrolled ecstasy....

A puppeteer of lechery,
You manipulated my body
Like a marionetter;
A wild raging bull filling me full;
Bending me to the thrill
Of your unexpected will
In ways I can never forget;
As I let you hold me/mold me,
Carefully overpower me,
Deliciously devour me
Like a starving man...
Explore me like some exotic land
Of fruits and flowers,
Honey and milk...
It seemed for hours you stroked my skin
as if it were silk...
And we were purged and submerged
In punitive heat
Sweeping over us in surges
of unspeakable urges,
turgid and sweet...