Dignity; Myold friend...

I woke up today beside my dignity,
It blinked its lazy eye and blew in my face,
I smelt abandoned buildings and forgotten faces.

I breathe through corrupted lungs,
It’s you I am breathing,
The riot of colours is dead in its paltry grave.

I reside amongst roses long forgotten,
They tell me stories of the lovers, who never came looking for them,
My dignity chokes back its sadism.

Burnt and bitter; I have woken up fitful on a bed of ash,
I used to be friends with sleep,
It’s the art of somnambulating I have discovered.

I am leaving I say,
I pack my bags, stuff them with feelings,
Your words; I know a graveyard nearby.

Dignity, too much fucking dignity,
I was told, will be the death of me,
I smile a savaged wild smile.

Partners in crime...

There is a sadness that sleeps within me,
It wakes up only to feed,
It says it will eat me alive; A few years down the line.
I wash the fear down with rum,
Write; to dissolve its threatening life form,
It is consuming me, growing inside my body.
It is a bastard child,
I am the mother, who nurtures it,
I gave it wings, now it flies, within my mind.
I am made up of the darkest of matter,
There is no galaxy within me, no stars that shine,
I sleep under a loveless sky.
I wrench my pain; enclose it in my silent suffering,
“Nobody must know”, it says,
“That we are partners in crime"

Destiny fulfilled...

The razor's edge
Slicing ...
Tearing away
A flash of light
Ending it all
Seeking pain
The final ecstasy
Destiny fulfilled

Maybe this is how it ends...

My eyes are tired, don't want to close them.
'Cause if I do, I know I'll break down.
The light in me is starting to grow dim
and yet I'm still so tightly wound.

My body hurts, still I move on.
My heart gets faster with every beat.
I wonder, will I make it to dawn?
No one knows so I retreat.

Running on the inside, I trip and fall;
I feel the pain scourge through.
I miss my sanity most of all
and realize there is nothing left to do.

So when I fall, I don't try to stop;
everything slows in pace.
I just let my body drop
and feel relief spread across my face.

I lie in the dark, cold and alone,
thinking about how I don't care.
The meaning in this is still unknown
and try to decipher, I do not dare.

I shed a tear and close my eyes;
I let myself crumble apart.
I feel a piece inside of me die
and knowing this breaks my heart...


Uncertainty beckons me
These fears I cannot hide
Leading a life of falsities
A kaleidescope of sorts
Remembering the days gone past
Of things said, promises made
Of lies told, of pains unspoken
What am I yet to find out?
While I weave this web of deceit
You seem even more distant
The truth is I'm saving myself
From feeling anything for you
I see a little part of me disappear
As I fade from your life...


On a dark dreary night
When everything seems distant
Tears roll down for the loss I feel
I killed a part of me
A part of me yet again
In the fear that I couldn't bear the burden

You said you'd be a friend
You said you'd stand by me...
And here I stand today
Alone and unwanted
I haven't regretted many things in my life
I haven't wanted to change any
But looking back now
I wish we never met
Cause knowing you turned out
To be the biggest mistake I ever made...

And I smile...

I close my eyes against the tears
And push all thought from my mind
In an effort to stop the pain
But inside I feel the cry resound
As it echoes within me
And clamping my jaw tightly shut
So the screams cannot break free
I feel the rip inside my soul
As every denial rages out
I clench my fingers, nails digging in
Refusing still to shout
A burden I bear all on my own
A secret none can see and know
With a smile that lies, I greet the world
While I crumble inside of me...