Dignity; Myold friend...

I woke up today beside my dignity,
It blinked its lazy eye and blew in my face,
I smelt abandoned buildings and forgotten faces.

I breathe through corrupted lungs,
It’s you I am breathing,
The riot of colours is dead in its paltry grave.

I reside amongst roses long forgotten,
They tell me stories of the lovers, who never came looking for them,
My dignity chokes back its sadism.

Burnt and bitter; I have woken up fitful on a bed of ash,
I used to be friends with sleep,
It’s the art of somnambulating I have discovered.

I am leaving I say,
I pack my bags, stuff them with feelings,
Your words; I know a graveyard nearby.

Dignity, too much fucking dignity,
I was told, will be the death of me,
I smile a savaged wild smile.

Partners in crime...

There is a sadness that sleeps within me,
It wakes up only to feed,
It says it will eat me alive; A few years down the line.
I wash the fear down with rum,
Write; to dissolve its threatening life form,
It is consuming me, growing inside my body.
It is a bastard child,
I am the mother, who nurtures it,
I gave it wings, now it flies, within my mind.
I am made up of the darkest of matter,
There is no galaxy within me, no stars that shine,
I sleep under a loveless sky.
I wrench my pain; enclose it in my silent suffering,
“Nobody must know”, it says,
“That we are partners in crime"

Destiny fulfilled...

The razor's edge
Honed...
Sharp...
Slicing ...
Tearing away
A flash of light
Ending it all
Seeking pain
The final ecstasy
Searching
Reality
Destiny fulfilled
Death.

Maybe this is how it ends...

My eyes are tired, don't want to close them.
'Cause if I do, I know I'll break down.
The light in me is starting to grow dim
and yet I'm still so tightly wound.

My body hurts, still I move on.
My heart gets faster with every beat.
I wonder, will I make it to dawn?
No one knows so I retreat.

Running on the inside, I trip and fall;
I feel the pain scourge through.
I miss my sanity most of all
and realize there is nothing left to do.

So when I fall, I don't try to stop;
everything slows in pace.
I just let my body drop
and feel relief spread across my face.

I lie in the dark, cold and alone,
thinking about how I don't care.
The meaning in this is still unknown
and try to decipher, I do not dare.

I shed a tear and close my eyes;
I let myself crumble apart.
I feel a piece inside of me die
and knowing this breaks my heart...

Uncertainty...

Uncertainty beckons me
These fears I cannot hide
Leading a life of falsities
A kaleidescope of sorts
Remembering the days gone past
Of things said, promises made
Of lies told, of pains unspoken
What am I yet to find out?
While I weave this web of deceit
You seem even more distant
The truth is I'm saving myself
From feeling anything for you
I see a little part of me disappear
As I fade from your life...

Abandoned

On a dark dreary night
When everything seems distant
Tears roll down for the loss I feel
I killed a part of me
A part of me yet again
In the fear that I couldn't bear the burden

You said you'd be a friend
You said you'd stand by me...
And here I stand today
Alone and unwanted
I haven't regretted many things in my life
I haven't wanted to change any
But looking back now
I wish we never met
Cause knowing you turned out
To be the biggest mistake I ever made...

And I smile...

I close my eyes against the tears
And push all thought from my mind
In an effort to stop the pain
But inside I feel the cry resound
As it echoes within me
And clamping my jaw tightly shut
So the screams cannot break free
I feel the rip inside my soul
As every denial rages out
I clench my fingers, nails digging in
Refusing still to shout
A burden I bear all on my own
A secret none can see and know
With a smile that lies, I greet the world
While I crumble inside of me...