Sometimes I walk alone at night.
I try to figure out why it's so hard for me to fight,
Why I've always tried to suppress the thoughts in my head,
the ones that wish me dead.
It seems that all was cold and dark along that path to my heart.
It seems that no one could see through the mask,
could see the hidden struggle
and everything goes back to the start
The beginning when all fell apart
the time when all broke down,
and the tears could not be heard,
but the pain lingered on,
gasping for air as it sucked all joy from her heart.
She could not even whisper her longing to be held,
her longing to forget,
her longing to be heard and loved.
She could not even face her own body,
her own face as she woke.
She was alone
She was alone because no one would ever know what made her cry,
and die and turn to ashes inside.
Because the silence was her only hope,
her mask of joy.
To understand -
She lost herself that day.
She lost all trust.
It was too much for her small heart to take,
too much for her small mind to forget.
Can it ever go away?