Because you cared...

Maddening, swirling, tumultuous thoughts give my heart no peace
Muscles tensing, heart's wrenching, longing for release
Walled off from emotions, numbed to dreams of bliss
Frantically grasping for a hold, sliding further into the abyss
All color drains from my world, subtle shades of gray permeate
Broken shards cast illusions, hope falsely propagates
A former warrior, battle tested, I frantically disguise my fears
Resolve dissolves, nervousness abounds as my refuge disappears
As autumn's cycle nears an end, the ice begins to advance
Stealthily attacking, patiently awaiting for a perfect chance
A frozen heart, desolate and bare, obscures all that would try to see
The warmth reflected, gives off no heat, illusions mask reality
On hands and knees, mumbling pleas, I search for sanctuary
To glimpse beyond this desolation, to a world of possibility
Eyes closed, perceptions peeked, it hovers beyond my reach
A whispered supplication, alone, these barriers I cannot breach
A gentle touch, delicate and warm, I feel him reach for me
Chasing back the shadows, an angel, cradles my sanity
Relaxing, drifting, smiling, I find comfort in his embrace
My savior and redeemer, a  smile upon his face
I close my eyes and search within, I'll trust my instincts this time
I feel a heart of gold as his passion unfolds, a beauty so sublime
Peace radiates from his body, a warmth soaks into my soul
A smile reflects a love so deep, my heart I cannot control
Illusions shimmer and are gone, my world is bright and true
Spring marches forth with determination as my life begins anew
To pass beyond is what I sought, but dreams do not compare
To the reality of this wonderland graced by an angel so fair
Dreams shared, rendezvous dared, we joined together as one
The bonds of my enslavement have been lifted, my battle finally won
No regrets can be found, my reflections bring no remorse
Love that binds, as the tendrils climbed lead me down this course
Peace and comfort fill my soul where once only chaos dared
Now love emanates, peace radiates, because an angel cared

Mindless agony...

Pale eyes, a blank expression,
wander through clouds of indescribable dreams.
Cold mist air, surrounded isolation
flaws my occupied mind
with either hate or death.
Something certain will be for always;
change in time forbids movement.
Fearing you understands myself;
help me open up, just a little more.

Nearly unnoticed...

She is lonely
Even though you can't tell
She is reaching out
For what, she doesn't know
She will continue to sit in silence
And hope that someone may stumble across
Her and all of her emptiness
But they only hope that they do it in time
Otherwise she will have drifted too far
And she may let go
Of whatever grasp of the world she has
As she slowly fades out of the lives of everyone
Nearly unnoticed.

And yet i'm here...

In the midst of confusion
I reach out to you
With broken arms and a bleeding heart
I call for you
See you walking at a distance
With no reason to care
Each step you take
Away from me
Is a searing pain I feel
I call out to you
Holding back my tears
You look at me like a stranger
And turn away your eyes
I drag myself across
Each limb at a time
Picking up myself
Holding myself together
I learn to bear the pain
The further you walk away
My pain seems to be subsiding
Or is it just that I can no longer feel
Delirious and dreaming cloud my judgement
An oblivion of possibilities and life after death
I life with freedom
And yet I lie here staring at you walk away...

Demonic Unrest...

This tormenting ambiance alluring.
Ghastly, yet nostalgia weeps abound.
A twinge, delicate, yet potent.
Why does it act as so?


An experience unmistaken,
Floating amongst inexpressible words,
Only you know the true picture.
Seeking the unrest that flows beneath my skin,
My veins, like Styx, carry the screams.


The confusion, manifests to a daily inferno.
Distraught, it sets ablaze to thoughts.
Raging them down hallways at speeds,
which only the unknown can read.
Unable to treat, each day returns to strife.
Agonizing is the struggle, hope reaches long.


But it cannot brighten the islands afar.
Its light, too brittle for the demons that soar.
Stronger voices that lay hidden required.
To destroy the misery, and
Turn the clock from agony.

When Is It Time?

When is it time to say goodbye,

To all the love I've known,

When is it time to end your pain,

And leave me all alone?

I've watched you on your good days when

I feel your strength renewed;

But shortly after little ups,

The down days then ensue.

We ride this roller-coaster of

Emotions as we try,

To make it through another day,

And yet, I can't deny ...

That as I look into your face

On days that have been bad,

I see a look that beckons me

It's tired, and hurt, and sad.

The little spark I used to see

Behind those loving eyes,

Is growing ever clouded

By life's cruel inhumane side.

I try to see beyond the pain

You feel with every step;

And softly whisper to myself

This may get better yet.

If I can bear to watch you

Just another day or two;

I justify my reasons to

Ensure I cling to you.

For letting go is harder for

The person left behind;

It means that if I let you go,

I cannot turn back time.

Back to the days I long for now,

When you were full of life;

And every day held promise,

And our futures, clear and bright.

But now the lights are darkening ...

We take it daily now;

I cannot see our futures clear

Or think beyond this cloud.

I think the hardest part in this

Is never knowing why,

I have to be courageous

And I have to say goodbye.

For if I let myself admit

It's time to let you go;

I'd have to face reality

Without you ... but I know ...

That soon I have to face the

Final outcome that I dread,

And holding on will only serve

To hurt you in the end.

You've given such unselfish love

For all our time in life,

But if I hold too tightly,

You'll not move t'ward the light ...

On to a better life, where you

Can once again be free,

Of all the pain and discomfort

That holds you here to me.

So if I find the courage just to say

This last farewell,

I hope you will forgive me for

The time it took me; still ...

I'll hold with me, the memories

That in my heart remain,

Pray one day, down the road a'ways

... They'll lessen my own pain...

You're not around...

First Ma and now you,

have left ne witout a clue

I cry all night as i look for you...

Please come back i don know how to live...
I'm lost in this world with nobody to see

Please come back fatty,
I'm waiting here for you
My arms stretched out eager to hold you

I cant go on by myself I need you to guide me,
hold my hand and teach me the ways of the world...

There is no one like you..
I miss you so much...please come back to me,
Please don make me search

No future without you as no past would have been lived
Please come back to me fatty,
With memories I cant live

You held me tight when ma left us....
Who do i talk to now...
Please come back fatty, come back to me...
I cant go on without you...
I cant go on at all

I'm broken inside nobody can see...I laugh to hide my tears and everybody misreads....