Karma's Inferno

You prepared me for fire
Slowly warming my days
Now you burn for another
I watch and twist in the blaze...

In your grasp...

...Pain so sharp, it pierced my soul
An illusion so vivid, it embroiled my world
The vines of my heart stifling my breath
The thorns of sorrow, grasping my mind
Confusion, chaos and misery all at once
A bundle so priceless yet better than none
The ailment of the soul
That only time can cure
For now I must wait with this pain so pure...

Sleepless

My eyelids weigh heavily at the tug of sleeps firm hand, but my mind refuses to submit.          
I play my past mistakes in a haunting nightly montage. 
Each evening until the darkness breaks to dawn, I build upon the shrine of my angst.
The hours vanish along with my sane thoughts,
As the lining of my conjuring’s sepulcher grows thicker.                                
I rearranging the wiring of my mind,
Eventually pull a wire that releases me from anxiety’s catacombs;
And  allows slumber to infest my weary bones. 

Existential Analogies...

In a lot of ways each of us are different
We hurt differently; we laugh differently
In every move, in every spoken word
In every emotion expressed and let go
We show and share ourselves a little more
Like dots in he night sky that form a celestial bond
We beings have an existential bond
Of laughter, amazement, anger and sorrow
All in the hope of a better tomorrow
But have we ever stopped to consider
That we may not be connected
What if we do not have an agenda
What if there is no big picture
there is no heaven or hell
no rewards or retribution
Just dots that aimlessly bob around
Hoping just hoping that we mean something
That maybe all that we endure and enjoy
Is for a reason; a bigger plan
That we are but a community that thrive with each other
And not die in isolation

These questions bother me more today
Than they ever have in a lifetime
I want things to change
I want to grab on to the reigns and lead myself into the madness
We call home!

Do I even belong?

I'm not sure where to start
All I understand is this yearning to belong
Lost in all the commotion
My thoughts I cannot hear
Everywhere I look, I see
The nightmares that drew me in
I think I'm free, free from the pain
Then why do I still feel sore,
Sore through all of my being
Like all that I believed in
Was RAPED
Raped of my innocence, my integrity
And the dreams I once held close
Where do I look now
For help that I dont understand
But NEED
As I tread along these roads confused and lost
I know not where to look
I know not where to go
I know not how to be
How to be ME?

Dignity; Myold friend...

I woke up today beside my dignity,
It blinked its lazy eye and blew in my face,
I smelt abandoned buildings and forgotten faces.

I breathe through corrupted lungs,
It’s you I am breathing,
The riot of colours is dead in its paltry grave.

I reside amongst roses long forgotten,
They tell me stories of the lovers, who never came looking for them,
My dignity chokes back its sadism.

Burnt and bitter; I have woken up fitful on a bed of ash,
I used to be friends with sleep,
It’s the art of somnambulating I have discovered.

I am leaving I say,
I pack my bags, stuff them with feelings,
Your words; I know a graveyard nearby.

Dignity, too much fucking dignity,
I was told, will be the death of me,
I smile a savaged wild smile.

Partners in crime...

There is a sadness that sleeps within me,
It wakes up only to feed,
It says it will eat me alive; A few years down the line.
I wash the fear down with rum,
Write; to dissolve its threatening life form,
It is consuming me, growing inside my body.
It is a bastard child,
I am the mother, who nurtures it,
I gave it wings, now it flies, within my mind.
I am made up of the darkest of matter,
There is no galaxy within me, no stars that shine,
I sleep under a loveless sky.
I wrench my pain; enclose it in my silent suffering,
“Nobody must know”, it says,
“That we are partners in crime"